Im sorry if this is terrible and not good to read i just felt like i needed to get it out so basically im am writing this because im not feeling the best at the moment so this may get deleted at any time. xx
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I pictured his image in my head. I could hear his laugh and see his smile. I could see all the other things i loved about him. Everything was there. It may have just been in my head but it was clear, as though he was standing in front of me.
I remembered everything about him clearly. I bet he didn’t remember me though. I bet my image was never in his head. I bet he never even thought about me.
Why would he? I have nothing he would like. My friends their all pretty and have great personality. My personality consists of silly, stupid and dumb. I don’t have the looks so many girls do. When they say they want to change something about them, i think, well to be honest i would swap with you.
I hate the way i look. Of course he would never be interested in me, no matter how interested in him i was. He would want something better.
When i was around him i felt weird. I didn’t really understand it. Would he feel the same around me? Probably not. I was invisible. Another face in the crowd. Nothing special.
Sometimes i would tell myself that i was stupid and that i should give up. That i should just forget him and think about something i like, singing for example, but it didn't work.
I just felt so lonely. I felt like i needed someone who cared about me. Someone who would wrap their arms around me and make me feel like i wasn't completely useless.
I just wanted to be cared for by someone other than family and friends. Does that make me greedy? Does that make me seem like I’m ungrateful? I don’t want to seem like that. I love what i have and i love who i have.
My friends are crazy an all but their my crazy people with great personalities. Their people who can cheer you up no matter what and their always there for you. We joke around all the time. The list just goes on.
My family are brilliant too. There always there for me. I call my brother stupid and say i don’t love him but really i don’t know what i would do if i lost him. My parents sometimes get on my nerves but to lose them would kill me too.
To lose my friends would be extremely hard. I love all of them but i feel like there is an empty peace of me, hole that needs to be filled. It nags at me all the time reminding me of the emptiness but i can’t fill it.
So don’t get me wrong. I love my family and friends but i can’t stop thinking about him. About how i feel when I’m around him.
Should i forget? Should i give up? Should i just ignore all my feelings or will it tear me up?
