The Boy With the Bruise - benjey

author's note.

truthfully..

i like both guys and girls. in all honesty, it doesn't matter. i hate labeling my sexuality more than anything. why does it matter? if i like you, i like you; if im attracted to you, im attracted to you. it's as simple as that. why complicate it? 

im easily addicted to things. alcohol, self harm, people. it's hard to rehabilitate myself, but every time leading up to now, i could do it. this time? this time, it's different. 

being addicted to someone, especially someone who uses you, is terrible. its heartbreaking. when you think you're finally in the clear, you're brutally ripped from whatever happiness you had gotten your hands on and then start going through withdraws without the person - and then, they reach out and pull you back in. they promise to keep you happy. they promise to stay. 

but then they leave, and it just repeats all over again. 

i really want to express myself. i want to come out. but, coming out in the situation/environment im in is dangerous, so i cant, and i wont. 

i urge each and every person in a dangerous situation like mine (even though you're not fully aware of what my situation is, any dangerous situation is valid) to wait until you know for sure that in doing so, you are safe. im aware that its cheap to say something like that- LGBTQ+, as widely accepted as the community is today, is still oppressed in a infinite amount of ways. 

maybe one day it'll be different. maybe one day, it'll be better. 

we can only hope.


im sorry for not putting out a chapter today. i'll get y'all a chapter as soon as possible, i promise (you wont have to wait long). im happy and sad to say that the story is soon coming to an end, and i wanted to thank each and every one of you for reading. and, thank you for reading this letter - it may seem almost insignificant, but coming out anonymously online is the closest thing to freedom that i get when it comes to issues like this. 

so, thank you for listening, and i hope you're enjoying the book so far :)

love you xx