How To Be Cute

The Basics

See that cute kitty there, that's cute. I'll name her Cuteness, she'll be your motivational instructor, I'll just be her translator- cuz you know the thing she'll only say is "Meow".

After you work out (by working out means getting all these tips done and right) getting all that Cuteness (not the cute kitty) out of your system, you'll be a Kawaii Potato.

Cute

/adj./

Some one who's beautiful or handsome in an ugly way

(Disregard this, this is my brother's definition. Which I obviously agree with.)

I just don't get the word cute. The guy/gal who first said that when she saw puppies would be like "Oh my goodness! That puppy is beautifully ugly! Uhm, yeah, CUTE! You're so cute!" I mean, if the word pie came before cute it would've been like "Those puppies are so pie! I love it!" In a parallel universe, cute is pie.

When we say some one is cute, for example: hot boys, we know they're cute. Its just we don't know how to explain it, right? Or is it just me? The universal definition is "having a pleasing and usually youthful appearance".

Even if you aren't cute, Cuteness will make you LOOK cute. We will combine our cute powers and call all the cute-ologists just to help you look kawaii. Faith in humanity restored.

Buckle up. This is like your math teacher teaching Fundamental Algebra.

There are foundations that built Cuteness (not the cute kitty)

And they are:

1. Age or youthfulness, and attitude. Because, trust me, there are 700 year old ladies that are cute af.

2. Childishness or immaturity. Just keep this intact and let them out when necessary.

3. Sex appeal. Believe it or not, Cute actually means "attractive in a sexual way". Now if you think about it, when we say that puppies are cute, we're like thinking of them sexually. *shiver*

Age. Even if you're a wrinkly old lady, you could be cute. I mean, adjust your youthfulness. How? Get your head out there. Stop thinking about fixing your old dentures, nevermind about drinking your anti-arthritis pills, just live as if you'd die a minute later. I'm not saying that you should be an insensitive and inconsiderate bitch, its just don't worry too much. Worrying means stress, stress means wrinkles, wrinkles is not cute. Attitude, I know every girl needs to be sassy, classy, and a little bit trashy in just one way. But that's okay. I mean, be like an ice cream, a trio flavoured one. 3-in-1, three kawaii you's in one cute you. Be kind and soft-hearted, most cute girls are nuns, get that going for you without actually joining the convent. There was this post I saw on tumblr, "Being a cold-hearted motherfucker wasn't really what I planned to do with my life but here I am" I'm guessing she wasn't cute then.

Childishness. Be childish when you can. But don't overdo it. Like sticking out your tongue when teasing a bitch, that's acceptable. But wearing a Buzz Lightyear jumpsuit holding your dear bestfriend, oh my heavens its effing Woody the Cowboy, close to you and saying sweet nothing to them, is defying the universal rule of not overdoing childishness. Boys say that girls sticking their tongue out playfully or pouting is actually cute. And that's a chance for you guys to get a boyfriend. Immaturity means your juvenile and not fully developed (wtf r u a friggin corn crop?). Keep your immaturity intact. They say pranks are immature, Lo and Behold; my sacred middle finger. I mean, what's so immature about pressing the doorbell on your neighbour and running away like your ass is on fire? Exactly. Be immature that you talk to your dog like Emilia Clarke (Daenerys Targaryen) does to her dragons, on Game of Thrones. Be so immature that you poke your bestfriend just out of boredom, don't do that on a guy who is not your boyfriend or friend because he'll smack you in annoyance. But don't go over the norm, like when you're acting all dumb and clueless af, cause that can disqualify you from joining the Kawaii Challenge.

Sex Appeal. When people think this, all they USUALLY think about is sex and sex alone, which it isn't. Sex Appeal means that you are just physically attractive to the opposite sex. I don't get the dictionary, they said being cute means you're attractive in a sexy way and simplifying that, it practically means that if you're hot, you're cute. I disagree, so Tom Hiddleston, Charlie Bower, Colton Haynes, and Shawn Mendes are hot not cute! They are basically greek gods, Shawn Mendes is either of the two, because admit it he's cuxy (cute and sexy). To attract the opposite sex, you need proper hygiene. That's it, I don't recommend any special diet or work out or any piece of clothing you have, because I think you're beautifully ugly, cute.