In The Quiet

Chapter 1

I always knew that I was different, even from a young age. I had tried and failed to make friends in kindergarten. I was the weird kid, and no one seemed interested in the weird kid. But I can't blame them, we were only children looking for playmates, and I just couldn't play like the other kids. 

    But as everyone got older and more mature, I still had my weirdo reputation and no friends. My parents did try to encourage me, saying that all I had to do was be polite and put myself out there. But of course, it wasn't that easy, because there was one huge problem; I'm mute. 

    Selective mutism is defined as a mental illness in which the person affected cannot speak in select situations or to certain people, usually in public places that are either uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or both. Nothing is physically wrong with the vocal chords, but intense anxiety keeps our lips locked. We don't have a choice on when we speak. It's all up to whatever chemicals came together in our brains to give us SM. 

    In short, yes, selective mutism is a mental illness, but I choose to define it as a rare problem that some of us are unlucky enough to have to deal with. 

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    So there I was, on the bus heading to my first day of eighth grade. Still no friends, and still no speaking at all at school. This should be fun. But I was perfectly content with sitting alone on the bus, listening to my music and dreading the school day to come - that is, until an excitable looking girl with aggressively curly hair sat down next to me. 

    "Hi, I'm Marie," she said with a wide smile. I figured this was my cue to take out my headphones, which I did as I simply waved in response to her greeting.

    "What's your name?" Marie asked, prompting me to fixate my gaze on a piece of garbage at my feet, wishing i was anywhere but on that bus. 

    Marie seemed to notice how uncomfortable I was getting, so instead she said, "I guess you're more of a quiet one, huh? How about I try to guess your name?"

    I looked up at her to smile and nod at that suggestion. No one had ever had an idea like that before.

    "Hmm... Is it Emma?" Marie asked, clearly enjoying this little guessing game. 

    I shook my head "no" in response. 

    "Sara?"

    Again, I shook my head "no."

    "Is it Lily?"

    Nope.

    "Let me think..." Marie trailed off, her mocha toned face forming an expression of concentration. 

    Just as she was about to say something more, the bus halted to a stop in front of our school. 

    "Damn," Marie muttered, probably more to herself than to me, "well, I'm sure I'll have more time later to guess your name."

    I nodded in agreement as we exited the bus and approached the main entrance of the school. 

    "See ya," Marie smiled as she walked off to her locker. 

    And as I gathered my books and made my way to homeroom, I found that I couldn't stop thinking about Marie.

    She was quite the opposite of me in the looks department; her darker skin contrasted with my pale complexion, her brown ringleted hair looked even bolder next to my thin blonde hair - and then there was her smile.  

    Marie had the kind of smile that seemed so friendly and welcoming, meanwhile mine just looked forced and unpleasant. I wondered how I had never noticed her around school before.

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    "Hannah Briggs?" My homeroom teacher called me for attendance, breaking me out of my train of thought. How long had I been thinking about Marie?

    I slowly raised my hand, signaling my presence. However, the teacher must have expected an auditory response, because she called my name again, "Hannah?"

    My hand remained in the air, and I stayed silent as the teacher scanned the room until she finally saw me.

    "Oh, there you are!" She smiled warmly, "please speak up next time."

    I heard two kids snicker behind me after she made that remark. This teacher must have been new. 

    Once she finished taking attendance, the teacher stood up to address the class. 

    "Good morning class!" She beamed, despite how tired and bored we all looked, "my name is Mrs. Talen, and I will be your homeroom teacher for the rest of this school year. Now, how about we all play some icebreaker games to get to know each other better?"

    The room filled with groans of protest at Mrs. Talen's last remark. 

    "Wow, you guys really don't like the sound of that, huh?" Mrs. Talen replied, "Well, we don't have to, so I'll leave you guys to socialize on your own."

    And with that, the class broke up into friend groups, leaving me to sit alone and read for the rest of homeroom. By the time the bell rang for us to make our way to our period one classes, I was so engrossed in my book that I almost didn't hear it.