Shay's Journal

chapter 1

As I walk through the front door of my high school, I feel as though all the conversations stop and heads turn to me.

I shove my hands in my sweatshirt and keep my head low, sad songs from multiple bands no one has heard of attempt to distract me from my thoughts.

My eyes begin to sting with tears as I enter the girls bathroom, as I was hoping for peace and I quiet, as soon as I enter the stall to calm down I hear the clacking of heels enter.

"I know right? He looked so dreamy!" a voice squeals.

Silence.

Then I hear a sigh, "You look so hot today, Lana. Well, what am I saying?! You look amazing every frickin' day!"

"No need to kiss my toned ass Alexa, you already were invited to my birthday party. Make sure to get me either money or new shoes."
Silence.

I'm assuming she nodded.

"Oh. Em. Gee. Did you hear about what happened to that girl? What was her name? May? Jay? Whatever. I heard she hung herself!" Alexa gasps.

"Yeah, I heard-" Lana says, uninterested "-what's more pathetic is that she left a note that said why. Like who the hell cares! What an attention seeker."

It takes every fiber of my being not to run out of the stall and pound that girl's skull in.

The tardy bell rings and the heels make their way down the hall without another word.

•••

I skipped first period, Shay was in my first period. 'Who needs algebra?'
That's what she always used to say, I decided to stand by her quote.
The bell releasing people from their period rings, I decide that I can't hide here forever, so I reluctantly exit the stall.

That was the second mistake of my day.
As soon as I step out of the girls bathroom, I manage to step on something that wasn't too stable- my foot flies in front of me and I land harshly on my butt.

I groan and look up, there are (what feels like) all of the student body laughing at my failed attempt of walking.

I bite my lip and slowly stand, my cheeks flushed and my thoughts jumbled.

"Hey, it's the hideous hoe's bestie. Did you guys ever take nudes together?-"
"I bet they took one of each other, then traded off!"

The whole school rumbles with laughter at the harsh joke.

"Fuck off you douches-" a bright blonde pushes through the laughing crowd and bends next to me, I jump a bit as she reaches over next to me. She holds up what made my fall happen- an orange peel. "-real original you guys. An orange peel, what is this a cartoon? A 1980's movie? Think of something more original next time you assholes." she snaps at them.

Almost everyone scatters, the others already had left.

I turn to the girl, she smiles and lends me a hand.

I shake my head and stand on my own.
"Er... Thank you." I say.

She smiles and nods, "I'm Erin."
I nod, I decide to fight the pinching feeling in my gut to just run off and leave the nice girl, I instead say "I'm Sierra."

"I like that name, it suits you."
I nod, with a little wave of my reddened hand, I speed off down the hallway to my 2nd period. Art class.

•••

Art class was the one class where I could feel alone yet comfortable in my loneliness.

All we do is free drawing, besides the one week where we do a projects so we at least have one grade.

Luckily, it's the start of the first semester. It's the beginning of October, the girls behind me are chatting about their halloween costumes while probably drawing a horrific pumpkin.
"Oh my gosh! I have an idea, how about we all go as the three... uh... what has three things in it?"

"I don't know- we can all go as kitty cats!"

"Oh. My. Gosh. Kiera, that's too obviously slutty. We want to be subtle."
I swear I'm losing brain cells from listening to their conversation.
I finish the final touches of the branches on my 'tree of life', behind the giant tree is a subset of salmon, yellow, and warm redish orange.

I suddenly feel something touch my shoulder, I jump, my brush making an huge ugly mark on my paper.

I spin around, furious, to become face to face with a brown haired boy.
"Look what you made me do!" I groan.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were busy."

He turns around to the giggle girls behind me and they automatically stop talking.

"Uh, is this seat taken?" he asks them, his voice unsure.

"Oh, uhm no- no it's not!"
I hear a stool screech and I assume he sat down.

"So are you new?"
"Uh, yeah. I uh just moved here from New York."

Shay was from New York. I run my hand through my hair in frustration, what the hell am I gonna do with this tree? It looks like it had a mental breakdown and started to bawl.
I bite my lip as I think of how Shay would think of something amazing to make this into, she always knew what to do.

"That's sooooo cool! Do you visit the bay a lot?"

I drop my head to the table, a loud pang erupts from the table.
Everyone looks to me, but I don't care.

•••

The day went on as normal.
My books out of my locker, I lost my math homework, and all the papers from my binder fell out.

Instead of eating in the cafeteria, I decided to lean on Shay and I's tree in the courtyard.

I'm beyond surprised that I hadn't broken down into tears yet today. I guess I'm trying to look on the bright side, not that I'll find anything there.
I stare up at the sky, the blazing sun bakes my jeans.

A backpack drops beside and I jump, to my right is the blonde girl who somewhat saved me.

"Hey!" she smiles.
I smile back, "Hi."

"I thought you looked a bit lonely, Sierra."
"Nah, I do alright."
Erin laughs, she rocks her feet back and forth in front of her.

"So-" she sparks a conversation in the dead of silence "-how's your day been?"
"Alright I guess. I lost my math homework and the new kid messed up my art project."

"Ah, that sucks. You know what you need, some good luck."

She turns to her backpack and rapidly check every pockets.
"Ah ha!"

She turns to me, her fingers curled into a fist, hiding something.

She slowly opens her palm, in her hand is a necklace with, what looks like, a black raindrop.

"Here. It's good luck, I swear." she smiles and puts in around my neck.
I rub the bead between my two fingers, it's smooth and somewhat comforting.
"Thank you." I give her a toothless grin.

She happily nods.

I hope this thing works...

•••
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