Misunderstood

I'm not sad

I'm not depressed.

I might be frowning but that doesn't mean it's any of you're business.

It would have been if this was a year and a half back. But all that time you never cared...so why should I even let you do so now?

I thought you did anyway. And I cared back, even when you couldn't see it.

It's too late now though. I see you everyday but I've still forgotten what you're face looks like. The sound of your laugh. The warmth of your smile. It's all blank now.

We have no more in common, yet everytime I frown, you think that it's about you.

May face looks sad. That's all. It even makes me happy when things are that away. On not depressed either. Trust me. It's just my body language that is really crap. As you always used to tell me.

Please don't judge. I love you. I really do. I still want you. I haven't changed.

You haven't changed.

But we have.

WE'VE changed.

And it's not for the better.
Nothing is for the better anyways. Not health. Not friends. Not family. Not even this life.

This retched, lie of a life. Waste of a life. Failure of a life.

I deserve to die right now.

But I promised that I'd die with you.
It may sound stupid but I'm torn.
You matter.

Suicide?

Hell no.

Heck, I'll even let the drugs do it for me.

The drugs. Screw them all.

I'm sorry. I'm confused. But those two have no connection. It's you. It has to be. Lol. Maroon5.

Things go through my head like a broken tape.
Like the music in English class. English class. I stared at you the whole lesson but you didn't notice. I imagined you next to me. Covered in sweat asking for more.
I imagined you next to me covered in smoke, waiting for me to pass the blunt. Then the needle. Then the capsules.
I imagined you covered in blood asking for mercy. For forgiveness. But you were innocent.
Remember? It felt so real. But it was all false anyway. I think I'm delusional.

This a paragraph. I am writing it. I'm writing this paragraph just to cover up for the randomness of the previous one, except this one is just as useless.

I'm fading.

Slowly.

Drifting.

Shit I'm out of ink.

See you in hell then babe.

I love you.

Notice how I said that in the present tense.

Ugh screw this I'm out.

**