Bearable

It was Bearable

Aug. 29, 2019
I have 19 days left. It's not going bad, nor is it going good. There's just nothing. The fear of death is still there, but slowly I've come to accept it. Being on the verge of death felt nothing. As the days pass, emotions and dreams keep coming and going away. Like a wave that splashes on the shore. The feel of being human fades ever so often. So far I am beginning to feel nothing. Crying, laughing, smiling, it all seems to be a mask. I do not want to be in the condition that I am now, but I also don't want to go back to how it used to be. It was bearable, sure. But why had I needed to leave if it was? By the time the 40 day deadline ends, I should've already detached myself from everything in this world. There should be nothing holding me back.