A Promise [Wolfstar]

Promise

TW//death

It has been two years. Two years since I lost the love of my life. We were only seventeen when Remus died. Today would have been our anniversary. We would've been together for four years if it wasn't for him being a werewolf. If Remus wasn't a werewolf he wouldn't have died. He would've lived and we could've gotten married and lived a happy life together. But Remus wasn't that lucky. Death punished him for being a werewolf. He couldn't do anything about it and that's what made it worse. I could've saved him if only I'd been there with him that day. I've been hating myself since the day it happened. If was my fault, it still is my fault. I should've died instead of Remus. We were both young but I knew we would've gotten married if life, for once, was nice to me... to us. James had been telling me I had changed ever since Remus's death, but could he blame me?

"Sirius, are you okay? You're making everyone depressed by looking like that." James said to me and I looked him in the eye.

I didn't reply to him and just stared., waiting for James to say something, because I wasn't planning on saying something at all.

"Could you tell me what's wrong?"

I didn't respond.

"Please? I'm worried about you, Sirius"

He really doesn't know, does he?

"Do you know what day it is?"

"It's the seventeenth of July?" James responded questioning whether this is the answer I wanted to hear. It was a basic question and I hoped James would remember.

"Today.." I started. "Would have been our four year anniversary.." I replied. Tears started welling up in my eyes. I quickly wiped my eyes to my sleeve.

"Oh, Sirius. I'm so sorry" James pulled me into a hug and I let him. Ever since Remus died James became more caring. He would try to cheer me up when I was sad and he had been hugging me a lot lately. James changed. Maybe it was because he wasn't in school anymore or because he had been dating Lily or maybe it was because one of his best friends had died a horrible death. Remus didn't deserve any of this. He would've loved to see Lily and James raise a child some day. He would've loved living a bit longer to be with his loved ones.

"I wanted to do so many things with him that we never got the chance to do..." "I know, Sirius."

James let go of me and started talking again. "Sirius..." he felt silent for a few seconds, "Lily and I are really worried about you, you know.. You haven't been happy in two years and we hate to see you so unhappy. We all love you."

James's words hit me hard. Is my unhappiness effecting them? Does my unhappiness make them unhappy? Because I wouldn't want that.

"You know Remus would've wanted you to find someone new." James said. He had said many things to try to comfort me, but never had he said anything like that. "Remus would've wanted you to get married, maybe get a child. Or a pet, depends on what you want." James laughed sadly. "How do you know?" I asked him. How could he know what Remus would've wanted. "He told me once. I'm not kidding... He told me that if he died and you wouldn't end up together he would want you to move on and be happy with someone else. He told me he hoped you would think about that the same way he did. I never told you this because Remus didn't want me to tell you, but you needed it and I can't stand to see you suffer like that." James said. Could I believe what he said? James wouldn't lie to me about something like that and it does really sound like something Remus would say. I smiled slightly. I wouldn't get any happier if I didn't move from Remus, but I couldn't. I couldn't forget Remus like that. I love him.

"Remus's death was my fault. If he'd known back then that I would be the one responsible for his death he wouldn't have said that."

"You're everything but responsible for his death. You never made him a werewolf. You couldn't be there and it wasn't your fault."

Like James read my thoughts earlier he said, "Finding someone else you love doesn't mean you have to forget about him. He'll always have a place in your heart, but you have to make space for other people, otherwise you'll never be happy again. I really hate to see you unhappy and I wish there is something I could do to help you, but I don't know how. Promise me you'll tell me a way how if you know one."

"I promise"

"Also please promise me you'll allow me to help you look for someone new you could love." James quickly added more words. "Not to replace Remus, but to be happy. When you catch feelings for someone it's not just because they have to top someone you dated before. Please just promise me you'll allow someone else to take a place in your heart one day." James said. He looked at me with hope in his eyes.

"I promise"