As we change

Chapter I - Certainty?

[Frida POV]

I almost finished smoking my cigarette when I heard the door of the recording studio being slam shut behind me. I'm surprised as I turn around and my eyes meet Agnetha's. The four of us getting mad at each other easily during intense recording sessions is nothing new to me but Agnetha being the short tempered one is rather unusual even though her pregnancy causes her to be pretty touchy.

"I'm not sure if I can do this anymore, Frida!
Of course it's comprehensible that they want the songs to be perfect, they wrote them, but that's no excuse for them to exaggerate the majority of time. I want that our effort pays off too! All that just leaves me so angry and extremely exhausted."
She sits down with me on the pavement.
"And now I can't even have a puff from your cigarette!" She adds jokingly but with a despaired undertone.
"Well maybe that's a sign for you to finally step back from work for a while. Honestly I don't get why you keep pushing your limits when you clearly should focus on your baby, Anna I know you, something is bothering you and I'm concerned because you don't even want to tell me."
I say sternly but regret it right after these thoughts became serious sounding words.
She's not facing me but I can hear that she sobbing so I decide to pull her closer and give her a tight hug, knowing it's more appreciated than some more words. When I feel her tears dripping down onto my shoulder I have an idea.

"I think I know something that could make you feel better!" She eases the embrace and looks at me with watery eyes but her typical, curious child like expression. "How about if we go eat some ice cream? I'll take you out, you really need a break." I ask as I cup her face and wipe away a tear with my thumb. Maybe she wants to continue singing but finally she nods. I help her stand up and with my arm around her waist we make our way to my car since I don't want to let her drive like that.
The fact that she's not feeling better yet on our way to the ice cafe is making me sad, too. Normally she's the sunshine, always smiling and managing to motivate us. Now however she's only looking out of the window sorrowfully.

After we arrive she wants to take the order but I have a plan and I won't give up until she gave me at least a little smirk. "I'll do it, you can already find us a place to sit." She hesitates but I insist in it. Finally I get the sundaes and look for Agnetha. She found us a nice place outside in the sunshine, but when I see her I act like I am still searching and as I hoped I could swear I see her giggle a bit.
A even bigger smile appears on her face after she laid eyes on the ice cream. "Pistachio? You really remember that?" How could I ever forget anything about you? I think.

In 1973, when she was pregnant the first time, her ice cream addiction reached a new level. Due to her huge belly she wasn't able to do sports anymore and the doctor said it's better for her to quit singing until the baby is born. And so testing pistachio flavoured ice cream in several places kind of became her hobby back then.

We continue eating silently. I was so serious before we went here, I bet that made her feel uncomfortable for a moment. Agnetha is a person who doesn't like to focus on the negative things, when she's sad, she likes to talk about singing, about her dream of having a beautiful house in the countryside and all her joy and pride, her daughter Linda. She is a wonderful mother. It's remarkable how she manages to make each day an unforgettable adventure for her child while also being occupied with recording songs.
I wish I could have been such a good mother too.

I don't know what to say or how to cheer her up, she didn't tell me what bothers her and I don't want to remind her of it now that she's happy again for a moment, so I think it's best to remain silent and be a nice company for her. I end up just watching her eating her ice cream. My view has something peaceful. Agnetha being happy makes me happy, it's like our emotions are connected.
When being together with her it's almost impossible to look at something else. The way her eyes are shaped and framed by her long lashes. Her slightly upturned nose.
She looks up and I feel embarrassed for staring at her so long that she actually noticed. To my surprise she gives me a big smile and I can see one of my favourite particularities of her face, her tooth gap.

"Is everything alright, are you bored?"
I could never be bored with her near me.
"No, sometimes I can enjoy a silent moment too.
And I wanted to see if you find the pistachio flavour authentic."
We both laugh.
"Reading your face is not easy." I say, still grinning.
"Well, maybe my face doesn't look like that, but it's the second best pistachio flavoured ice cream I ever ate. Thank you so much for taking me out."
I unsuccessfully try to remember what could have been the best ice cream but before I can ask I see a tear rolling down her cheek again.
"Heyy dear please -" I know that it's useless to tell her please not to cry.
"Please, can I somehow help you? I'm so used to you as our blithe spirit, it hurts to see you feeling miserable. Of course, the hormones cause it but besides that something is off, I know you."
"Frida I just... I don't know, I don't think I deserve you. You're always there for me with your advice, and you're really helping me, you never fail to cheer me up somehow. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for you. You are so mature and when you're upset I feel like I can't get you out of that."
Now I'm tearing up too. She's really caring about my well being, I am so moved by that.
Speechless for a second, I'm just as surprised from my reaction as her.
"Listen, I want you to know how grateful I am to have you. I never told you this but for me you are like an angel sent from heaven to protect me."
I wanted to say something else but this sums it up perfectly.
My words touched her, her eyes are widening, she takes my hand and kisses it.
I'm taken with the way she often prefers to use gestures instead of words to tell people what she feels.

I already paid so I just stand up, keeping her fingers intertwined with mine and we let the day end by taking a stroll through the streets in the setting sun.