the Tale of Emma Ott

Prologue

In my dream, I hear someone say 'Be careful what you wish for...' The very mention of those words scare me. I had not wished for anything.  At least that was my memory. Life stood still, and before me, dark shadowy yet delicately light wings hunted one another... or was it me they sought. Winds tore at me, forcing me back the way I had come, down a twisted corridor of darkness. My hands shook uncontrollably, matching the vibrations the whole of my body made.  My breath came unevenly. I stumbled back in fear. A wary voice tells, 'What holds you cannot be altered. Sorrow foresees this voyage.' I dropped down, into emptiness, into a precipice. I do not breathe, which makes me cough, and in a direct response, I choke on my own saliva. The torment of this hell seems of my own making, and I cannot make it stop, as I momentarily weep. Miserable, lost, chaos finds me as the veil shifts...

I abandoned my pillow as I slept. I stirred in my sleep. A fitful sleep that I had so desperately wanted to be unspoiled, unbroken, and peaceable but I wake with a start and seeing my surroundings, I know the truth of it. Instantly I know where I am, and that it has already happened, because I am here, waking to the knowledge that the dreams were real...

Uncurling my fetal position, I stretched out my arms and legs before turning my body over. I succeed in getting myself up and sitting, despite my semi-conscious stupor. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, as a wide yawn emerged from my mouth. Short as my nap was, it felt like an eternity had passed inside my nightmare. Slowly I moved to the edge of the bed, ready to stand, but I hesitate, wondering if I could have changed any of this.

Could I have avoided the book, the one that pulled me through time, Merlin's book, the one that started all this. I hadn't a clue, really, but I knew that not all of me wanted things to go back to the way they were, a part of me wanted to stay here. My feelings for Thomas pulled at me.

I questioned everything, all that I had been taught. I questioned my belief system, my being, my reality, I wondered if the future was set or still changeable. I questioned Merlin's use of magic, of mine, and of my obvious lack of skill. I suspected I was becoming complaisant within my surroundings. I could not believe the things I had done these last few months, nonetheless survival was imperative.

Silently, I answered the onslaught of questions that ran rampant through my head; it helped ease some of the tension, but only for the moment. I knew that the lion's share of this preoccupation served nothing or no one, still the mania flooded over me. There wasn't much point to my obsessing. I knew that, but I could not stop.

I had no answers to what might happen today, or tomorrow, or any other day to come. All I knew was that I drew air in and exhaled it out, in whatever reality this was, kicking and screaming, pulled along by some fickle finger of fate, but I was alive, and right now, that was what really mattered. A thin smile crept across my face, amid these wistful moments in thought.

Then just as quickly, another truth hit me, right in the gut, ending any glint of happiness, because deep down, I knew that there were no guarantees, not to any of this. Even with all our work, we might never be anywhere but here, and with that, a tear fell. I knew that we might never get home again, and that was reason enough to cry, but I promptly consoled myself in the knowledge that Thomas and Merlin were here with me, my family now. In these last weeks, they had become the most important part of my life. I saw that now.

I have heard it said before, that when you least expect it, it just jumps out at you, life that is. For me, it happened so fast, that I didn't see it coming. It was just there, without any warning, but I think I'm ready for it now. I want to fix all this, to stop the running, to find real answers, and to put everything right. In the same way, I'm feeling anxious, confused, even a little pissed off, but I must confess, I know it is time to end the whining. Even if no one else sees the evil that covers this world, humankind will need answers to this plight. I must do something.