Face Down (Anxceit)/(Moxiety)

Chapter 6

(hey, it's been a while. I've just been going through quite a bit of shit (help me) oh no wait, that was supposed to stay up there. which segways into the TW for this chapter which is it's going to get VERY venty. So sorry about that but hope you enjoy.)

[TW: Panic attack, self-harm, abusive behavior, self-deprecation, probably missed some]

Virgil was still sitting on the floor of the bathroom shaking. He'd stopped sobbing to himself a while ago, but if he were being honest, he actually had no clue how long he had actually been sitting on the bathroom floor. There were no other boys who had come in here, so he was certain that class was still going on.

Virgil stood up slowly from the ground, the need to go to the bathroom long gone. He walked towards the door, a dazed look in his eyes as he walked through the silent hallway as he made his way back into his classroom. Once he had gotten there, all of the kids were done with their projects for the day and were sitting in their seats chatting till the bell rang, which was in... 7 minutes. Virgil was actually surprised that the teacher didn't send someone looking for him.

Virgil stayed silent for those 7 minutes; but he could feel the look of concern that adorned Patton's face. Which in turn, made Virgil feel even MORE shitty, it just seemed that he couldn't win today. He didn't know if Deceit would be waiting for him when he left the classroom but he wanted to school day to be over with; just so that he could hang out at Patton's house. Maybe just to watch TV, or sit with each other in solace.

Virgil didn't know that Patton wanted the same thing. But he also wanted Virgil to finally open up to him, and it was getting so FRUSTRATING! Patton wanted to kick Deceit's teeth in, he KNEW that he was the reason behind the shocked, dazed look in Virgil's eyes as he stared straight ahead and paid no heed to the other students busy chatter around him.

Till the bell went off, and Virgil hurried to pack his things and leave the classroom. "Deceit still doesn't know huh??" Patton overheard one of his classmates.

"What?" Patton turned to them.

"About Virgil's class, Deceit thinks that Virgil is about as much of a dumbass as the next popular kid. Maybe someone should tell him about that-" the kid was interrupted by Patton pressing him up against the wall.

"You're not telling him anything. Virgil has got enough shit to deal with and if Deceit gets any wind of this by God I'll make sure that you'll pay for it." Patton hissed.

"Careful know Patton, might be following in Dee's footsteps if you're not careful." The kid warned before jerking his way out of Patton's grasp and walked down the hallway.

Patton stood there for a moment, just in thought. After about the moment he glared at the retreating figure, "I promise you: I'll never end up like that son of a bitch!" he hissed before walking down the hallway.

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Virgil was sitting in his last class of the day, his leg bouncing up and down as he paid the teacher no heed. All he could think about was tonight. His brain thinking of both the goods and bads. His heart being the ever optimist, gave ideas of things with Patton and himself. Being friends, watching movies, ordering pizza.

But his brain countered it all with endless possibilities that could end up going wrong that night.

For half a sec, he was about to text Patton to cancel on him. But he couldn't do that. He just couldn't.

So he'd just half to deal with Deceit later.

What's the worst he could do? Kill him?

Virgil pondered the thought for a second, but figured that even Deceit wasn't capable of murder.

"There were a lot of other things he could do though" his brain reminded him.

Virgil shook off the thought as he looked back at the board.

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Virgil was pacing around his room, it was almost time for him to leave for Patton's house. The boy giving him his address earlier that day. But now more than ever were the voices in his head were screaming at him for everything that could go wrong

Deceit knows

He'll beat you there, hurt Patton... or worse

He'll hurt you... or worse

There's never a limit on what crazy people can really accomplish you know?

Virgil stopped, it was getting hard to breath; and the room started to spin. His thoughts were absolute chaos.

Deceit, hurt, Patton

What to do?

What CAN I do?!

Nothing, it's what you're known for, is it not?

Virgil was laying in his bed, tears threatening to fall down his face as he tried not to make any noise that would alert his parents as to what was really going on here. He didn't want it. Didn't need it.

And really, no one really needs you. Your parents think you're a screw up and Deceit? Well, you're just his trophy boy, something that could be thrown away and any given time and no one would even give a damn if you were to kill yourself.

Virgil felt tears trickling down his face and practically bolted to his bathroom, looking for his treasure. He dug through his pills and medical supplies until he found what he was looking for, a fresh razor blade.

He fumbled with the blade, he wasn't surprised by this fact; his hands were shaking so bad you would think he was holding a vibrator or something. Not that Virgil would know what that would feel like, he was still a virgin after all.

Cut, cut, cut, CUT! The voices yelled at him.

Virgil slashed at his wrists and thighs as his voices continued to scream. Each cut showing the beads of blood would slowly quiet the voices till they became nothing but little mumbles that Virgil couldn't really make out.

It wasn't the best thing, seeing as how the ideal thing was that they would be gone.

But Virgil took what he could get.

And what he got was seeing that same red almost every night, scabs that would mostly be healed would have new cuts right over them the next few days. It was sad and pathetic, but Virgil didn't have anyone who would be willing to listen to his problems; and hold him as he screamed and cried till he was exhausted and the two feel asleep.

Yea... that was the life Virgil wanted.

But it was the life that he never got.

Instead, he got angry and overprotective parents, a dick boyfriend, and a kid that wants to be his friend but Virgil doesn't know HOW to be his friend. And he knew that it hurt Patton a little bit.

But Virgil didn't know what else to do, and he was starting to run out of options.

Virgil's phone started to buzz while playing "C'mon" by P!ATD. "Well... time to go." Virgil muttered to himself before grabbing his keys.

Each step toward the door rubbed against his fresh cuts, making Virgil wants to hiss and groan in pain but that would concern his parents.

And that was the last thing Virgil wanted.

Virgil sighed as he walked down the driveway to his car, the journey to Patton's a little farther than he expected but it was tolerable all the same. Didn't want to make Virgil stop crying though. Meh, he would just have to clean himself up to look even REMOTlY acceptable at Patton's house as a new guest.

Let alone a new guest in Patton's life.

(I know this is crap and isn't very long but i hope you enjoy because I literally wrote this in a night. Yup. until the next chapter,

Take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals

PEACE OUT!)