Tangled Web of Love

Pilot

September 7, 2009

Dear diary,

I̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶a̶n̶g̶e̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶b̶a̶d̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶h̶a̶p̶p̶e̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶d̶a̶y̶.̶

I don't know why I wrote that.

It's been three months, two weeks and two days since I've written anything down. It's been one hundred and seven days since I've smiled or spoken really. I feel empty and hollow inside, as though I'm existing in the world but not truly living. But I got by, day by day, minute by minute and I did it the only way I knew how. I put on my mask, my façade of normality and played my part in the act I called my life.

Everyday I pretend I don't feel as though I could crumble to the floor every time I see a picture of my parents or someone mentions their names. It's been three months, two weeks and two days since my parents died. I still don't understand how that could happen. There were four people in that car when it went over wickery bridge; two lived and two died. How does that happen? How could Elena and I survive but not our parents?

It wasn't even possible. The water pressure had blocked the doors; no human could have gotten out of that car. The doctors couldn't explain why or how both of us survived. It was a true miracle, they said.

But there nothing I can do to change what happened because believe me, I would if I could. I have to go on. I have been this giant ball of grieve and sadness all this time but today, journal, today will be different. It has to be.

Today I'm going to smile. Today, when someone asks me that dreaded 'How are you?' question, I'm going to smile and reply 'I'm fine. Thanks for asking'. I'm going to be bright and peppy Louise. The Louise that people expect me to be. I am going to be that Louise that people expect to see on the first day of school. Today, I'm going to be the Louise that my brother and sister know. This year I will start fresh, be someone knew. No more being sad.

Well I can pretend not to be right?

You and I will know the truth and I'm okay with that. It's the only way I'll be able to survive.

- L

Louise's pen stopped writing as eyes lift to the window, looking outside. Getting up from her window seat, she slid her leather bounded purple journal in her bag before she walked over to her vanity. She takes a look at her reflection. Her dark brown hair fell past her shoulder, parted in middle part. She scanned her outfit. She was wearing a military green vest top with plaid top over it, light blue washed jeans and her black converse.

"Okay, Louise, smile." She spoke out loud to her reflection.

A forced smile crept on her lips, practicing the foreign expression on her face. However, when her eyes shift to the photo of her parents, her mood changed again. She quickly averted her eyes. Letting out a deep sigh, she gave herself one last look in the mirror - one more forced smile.

"Now you only have to do that about nine hundred more times today."

With that she swung her bag over her shoulder, grabbing her satin bomber jacket. Facing the door, she moved to exit the room when a cold blast of wind rocked through her open window. A crow perched on the sill and let out a caw. Louise stiffened and turned back to shut and lock the window.

She padded down the stairs, preparing her smile for Jenna. She knew where her aunt would be: sitting at the island, munching on some cereal.

"Happy first day of school." Jenna greeted through a bite.