i am you ; chanlix

explanation :p

i know this may have been a little confusing but it makes sense i think djdnsjsaja
this is kinda long but i wanted to explain in detail so PAY ATTENTION
(hyunjin sit back down)

i was going to originally call this 'voices' but i thought 'i am you' fit better because felix is chan :o

ikr wtf

so basicallyy chan has a 'friend' called felix.
but felix is actually a voice in chan's head!!
he is chan's thoughts, feelings and emotions in the form of a human that chan has made up.

chan feels alone so he's created this 'perfect friend' in his head, who ends up turning against him and treating chan badly as that is how he actually views himself. chan thinks he deserves to be treated the way felix treated him, felix stops showing him love and spits insults at him instead. this is how chan is treating himself :(

felix and chan have always been close friends so i thought it'd be a good idea to use the two aussies!

uwu :")

so in the beginning, chan sees felix as a friend who then turns into a foe.
one of the major messages i wanted to include was that sometimes we are our own best friend and our own worst enemy.

obviously, felix isn't real. even chan's friends like changbin and jeongin, tell him that felix is not a real person but chan doesn't want to believe that he has been dealing with his depression and anxiety alone. this makes it harder for chan's friends to get through to him and help him because he thinks he doesn't need anyone but felix.

at first felix is really kind and a positive influence on chan, as chan initially thought good things about himself and didn't have any insecurities.
(i gave subtle hints of chan liking felix romantically because chanlix 🤓)
i'm kidding, that would be weird if chan liked himself... i mean if i were chan then i would too but that's a different story sjdnajdnajsnak

ok back to the explanation ;

soon after, felix points out his flaws and chan suddenly grows self conscious. he thinks if felix sees him this way, everyone must see him like this too. chan has manipulated himself into believing felix's thoughts and honesty is a good thing because telling him about his insecurities means he can 'fix' them, which is why he thinks felix is a 'good friend'.

over time, it becomes more evident that chan has been spending more time with 'felix' than his other friends, which in reality, he's actually spending his days alone :(

chan becomes antisocial and has been distancing himself from everyone, only hanging out with 'felix'. he even stops doing what he loves the most which is making music, that's how severe it's become.

due to his insecurities, lack of self esteem and growing depression, thanks to the help of 'felix', chan becomes suicidal and begins self harming. his arguments with felix is actually his attempts to fight against the negative thoughts, he is literally arguing with his own self, which only results in him harming himself.

chan begins to grow suspicious of felix's intentions and realises he is not the perfect friend he thought, chan stays with felix nonetheless because he thinks he has no one else but him.

in the end, chan commits suicide >:(
felix, his thoughts, tell him that this is where he will finally be happy and won't have to suffer anymore. it will end his depression and loneliness and they will be happy together.

of course, this isn't true and suicide is never an option.

i didn't end the story with chan dying because i think that it is how he will find happiness, no i will never ever think that. but i wanted to show that depression is not an easy thing to conquer bUT that doesn't mean it's impossible. depression doesn't make you a victim, but a fighter! you can and you will win this battle!

depression doesn't last forever and happiness can be found, whether you find it by yourself or with others. yoh i know i'm a cheesebag but like this hits hard for me so 😔🤙

it's actually heartbreaking that people resort to suicide because they see no other way out. it is never the answer, not even self harming. things do get better. when it does, you'll be glad to be alive, i promise you <3

thank you if you read this, i know it wasn't that good pfft it's actually pretty bad but idc whatever. in it's own way, it's still inchresting!

i love you so fcking much
keep smiling freaks 🥰