A sad life

The Walk

Honestly, I'm confused. Confused as to how my life got to this point. I've always done my best to make everyone happy. I know I'm not perfect, but I try so hard. Yet somehow I still ended up with an abusive mom, toxic friends, a sibling that hates me, peers that look at me with complete disgust and a sister that I have completely failed.

I'm only seventeen and yet my life has completely fallen apart.

"Carmen if you don't wake your stupid ass and your retarded sister up, I'm coming up the steps and you know what will happen then," my mother screams. This is how every morning begins. Me wondering how I'm such a failure and Felicity screaming at me.

"I'm awake mom," I respond loud enough for her to hear but not loud enough that it sounds with attitude.

I then step over to my sister, Emily, she honestly is beautiful. Even sleeping she looks broken though. You can see the tears on her eyes from the night before and her long brown disheveled hair. "Babydoll you need to wake up," I say gently pushing her side. "We need to get ready for school."

"Give me ten minutes and I'll be ready," she says rolling with a stretch, making her beautiful hazel eyes known to the world.

I then begin getting ready myself, walking into the attached bathroom as I do every day. I strip down to just my underwear and bra looking at my body, scars everywhere from the numerous beatings I've received for the past 9 years. I hate my body, I'm deathly skinny and all you can see is bruising and scars everywhere you look except for my face. I throw on a blue hoodie, my favorite actually, and a pair of black leggings. Once I'm quickly dressed, I look over my hair. The crazy blonde waves are sticking out everywhere, so I quickly grab a brush in an attempt to tame them. It makes my hair more frizzy than it was to begin with so I throw my hair up in a messy bun, the easiest solution on any bad hair day, and attempt to cover up the dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep I receive and the bruise beginning to go away on my lower jaw with some concealer. It does the trick pretty well if you ask me. As soon as I walk out of the bathroom I slip on my torn black vans and grab my bookbag. I would tell Emily to walk behind me but she knows as this has become a daily routine.

"Mom, were leaving," I say carefully walking around the broken beer bottles from last nights adventure.

" I couldn't care less what your doing dumb whore," Felicity responds sitting on the couch, another beer already in hand.

Emily and I begin to walk out of the door side by side getting prepared for our long trek to school. Were used to it by now, the stares from passing cars and the excruciatingly long walk to school. It takes about an hour and fifteen minutes to get there and the entire time I.m listening to Emily ramble on about her friends in school.

"Tyler is cool too, I have to work with him on a project for science class that I am SO not excited about," she says.

"It'll be okay Em, It's just one project plus being at school is way better than being at home," I say trying to uplift her spirits a little bit.

"I know, it's just, school is getting hard and I'm only 11! I can't even imagine what it will be like when I get to high school," she says with a sigh added. Emily has dyslexia and ADHD making school extremely difficult for her, and it doesn't help her confidence that our shitty mother calls her retarded every chance she gets.

"It'll be okay sis, you just have to stay focused and make sure you take notes on things that way if you don't understand, I can help you at home." I respond as we approach her school. The high school is still a couple blocks to go and honestly I don't mind the free time to think.

"Thank you Carmen I love you to the moon and back," she says with a little smile and a nod.

"To the moon and back," I reply giving her a kiss on the cheek and waving her off to school. I watch as she walks in the double doors and pray that she has a goo day and no one trys to bully her or anything. She has a mouth on her and that doesnt help at school or at home. I can't blame her though, with our mom bringing new guys into our house constantly and always hitting me and attempting to hit her, she was forced to grow a bit of a back bone and learn to stand up for herself.

With all of these thoughts about Em swirling in my mind, I almost didn't even realize I was just about at my school, well that is until some stupid jock thought it would be funny to throw an apple out of the side of his car and try to hit me with it. Luckily, I have fast reflexes and ducked just as it almost hit me. I traveled up to the main entrance of my school the only thought in my head being, welcome to another day of hell, that also happens to be your only escape.