Beautiful Pain Boyxboy

No Longer Jeremy

TW: Mentions of suicide

Jinxx's POV:

I woke up the next morning hoping that it was all a messed up dream. Hoping my mind was playing tricks on me. I ran down stairs in my racoon print pj's and raced towards the front door. I had to see him. I had to know that he was alive. I had to ask him why.

"Jeremy? Where are you going?", I heard my mother ask sounding worried.

"Spencer's house."

I  was half way out the door when my mom placed a hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug.

"Jeremy, he's not there anymore." my mother had solemnly replied.

The memories of the other day flooded my brain. Spencer, my best friend since I was born. Spencer, the boy who seemed so happy. Spencer, the five year old boy who committed suicide.

He was really gone. The last thing he said to me was "I'm calling you Jinxx".
I would never forgive myself if I forgot him, so I took the name he gave me.

"My name is Jinxx." I mumbled as I pulled away from my mother's arms.

She looked at me like any worried mother does. Her only response being silence. I kept my head down and sulked to my room.

I played back the memories in my head. Spence and I chasing each other through the field. Him and I pretending we were in a rock band together. Him and I sitting next to each other and laughing until sunrise. Him and I talking about the things no one else would believe.

I was angry that he left. I was angry there was no one to believe in my visions. I was angry my only friend wasn't there to make this better.

I locked myself in my room and sat on my bed crying. Never once had I cried this much before. It felt like my soul was being poured out through my eyes leaving no trace of it within my body. My heart was being destroyed, peice by broken peice. My head was filled with new thoughts I'd never had.

Thoughts of everything being my fault. Thoughts of wanting to join him. Thoughts of wanting him back. Thoughts of wanting to tell him my biggest secret.

I loved him.

For the next month, I hardly ate. I spoke to no one.

"Jeremy, I know it's a hard time for you right now, but you need to talk to me." my mother begged.

I remained quiet.

"Jeremy, can you answer question five?"

No, I couldn't.

"Jeremy, why are you so quiet?"

It was none of your business.

I would sit in the back of the class unnoticed by anyone. My classmates kept asking what happened to Jeremy. The answer was simple. His protector was gone. His best friend taken. The light in his eyes and his heart barely visible. All that remained was Jinxx.

Jinxx, a hollow shell of who I used to be. His quiet nature the opposite of Jeremy's. Jinxx always hid, afraid of gaining something just to lose it.

Jinxx was no longer Jeremy.