I'm Here (One-shot)

【I'm Here】

I don't know what's wrong with me. I have no answers, no excuses, just an indescribable pain in my heart and an urge to hold onto something, but there's nothing there.

"Where did you go when you felt shitty about life? When you didn't know why exactly you needed to, but you needed to escape? Where did you go then?"

I asked aloud knowing I wouldn't get a response, but just putting it out in the universe to be heard and received. At least I'm telling myself that it'll be received.

I quickly continued to swipe away falling, salty droplets as I treaded down the stairs and onto my front porch.

You know, I used to think this was stupid. Looking out into the city and thinking of him, talking to him and hoping that he would help me solve all my problems. There's probably so many other people out there that talk to him and think of him when they need help or an escape from this scary stupid world.

When they're scared... So of all the people out there, why would he listen to me? Why would he feel sympathy for me? Why would he listen to my cries and rants? Why would he even care, when I'm sure there's other shit he's doing, like resting...

And although I felt this way, going to him still made me feel better. Like I had someone to talk to when my dickhead boss yelled at me for forgetting to take the trash out at work, or when my check wouldn't be enough to pay the rent or when I just felt so shitty about myself that I collapsed onto the floor waiting patiently for the Earth's warm crust to suck me up.

That's more so how I was feeling today. Like I couldn't wait a second longer for the Earth to suck me up.

"Did you ever have someone to talk to when you felt like this? Your friends or brothers? Was there someone you went to when you felt as if you wanted to end it all?"

The more I opened my mouth the harder it became to speak. I knew none of my questions would be answered in the manor I would've needed them to be, but I had to get them out there. I was desperate to talk to him and greet him so I could get to spilling my guts about my own problems.

I choked on sobs as I sat on my quiet white porch and looked at the townhouses in front of me. Studied how all their lights were out and nobody would be awake to hear my sobs and nonstop questions to no one. However my hand still slapped over my mouth to mask the loudest of my sobs as I looked up past the breathtaking skyline and into the stars.

"Was there anything you ever looked at, that made you feel a little at ease? To make you feel disconnected from this cruel world and connected to something bigger and grander and more magnificent than yourself?"

I asked, truly wondering.

My tan sweater was no longer enough to keep the cool air from seeping into my skin and making my body shiver all over. And for a second I considered going back inside, but I remembered that I hadn't gotten a chance to reveal all my issues and problems. How I was feeling, how this world made me feel.

"Don't worry, you still have time to tell me."

The words slithered into my mind like a dream. And a presence placed itself onto me as if a bucket of Arctic air was poured onto my shoulders. I truly did think it was a dream, an illusion, a hallucination from my lack of sleep and insane mindset.

But when I looked to my left and saw that someone, something was actually there next to me, I felt like passing out. Air immediately got sucked out of my instrument in the form of a gasp and as you'd imagine, my first instinct would've been to scream and scurry away, but my body froze.

And not a second later did more and more tears begin to fall. God, I knew it wasn't real. It couldn't have been, but it was the fact that in one way or another it was happening. And he was there and he was listening to my thoughts, he was listening to me and that was something I couldn't scurry away from.