A year after only feeling happiness, we decided that we could not spend more than a day apart. Being able to come home to your arms became both a blessing and also a curse. I remember waking up to seeing your face on our first morning, it felt as though I was in heaven. Most say that you truly get to know someone when you start living with them. It was not heaven anymore. It was my own personal hell. I blamed myself for a very long time for every flaw I witnessed. I still remember my heart shattering to painful pieces when I had learned I was not the only one for you anymore. What I was fearful of was becoming my reality. Empty promises after empty promises became as routine as breathing. The pain was overwhelming. It was almost unbearable. It was terrifying how out of nowhere, these emotions started choking me. Every time I tried take a breath, I felt everything at once, filled my lungs like water. Water contaminated with disgusting thoughts that made me question my whole well being. It ran through my veins, spreading throughout every bone and muscle. It restricted from breaking free. Free from the thoughts that plagued my mind. Free from the restraints holding my soul hostage, if all of it hasn't yet been taken.
I know heartbreak well. I have learned to expect it at any given moment. Yet, even though it is always expected, it comes unexpectedly.
