Chapter Five- Self Control Be Damned

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No matter the mantra I spoke in my mind or the knowledge of what remaining close to her would lead to, my body refused to move. My hands sat upon the wall I had pinned her against as my breath hitched as I didn't want to look in that calming gaze of hers as it would take every ounce of self control I had left. But before I could stop myself, she spoke my name, and my gaze lifted to hers. Her makeup had now been done darker and she bore the resemblance of a woman instead of a child, yet still held that youthful wonder than I was surprise existed after the atrocities she had witnessed and committed. Yet, the woman who stood before me was the same young girl that aided me when I was looking for asylum. My gaze moved to hers, locking in place, before my touch moved to her cheek.

Before I could realize the extent of my actions, my thumb pulled the bottom of her lip free from her enclosed mouth. I could recall her taste and feeling of her desire for me...but in this moment...I desired her. I was weak standing before her and she was well aware, but seemed to feed into this as she had brought her fingers upon my shoulders. I recognized this as her way of moving in for a kiss as she had done so from the fact I towered over her.

I recalled the times we had been in this position before and craved to have that moment with her once again. Maybe if I would have seen how truly disturbed she was then I could have stopped those deaths...but none of that mattered now as I had her in my grasp and I was struggling to pull away. Everything about this woman made me into a madman. I had a beautiful fiancee was successful and sane... but Vannah was always in my mind and dreams in place of the woman I began to commit to. Yet, I couldn't allow myself to cross that line to where I would be deemed unfaithful. Not to Trina-she didn't deserve that heartbreak. However, in this instance, all I could really think about had been myself. To feel her again, to have her again...the thought was almost intoxicating-beautifully and blissfully stimulating.

I could feel my spirit bond with hers as time seemed to stop around us. Feeling her in my arms again had been the thing I had been longing for-the thing that kept me up at night-the thing I yearned for. I watched her eyes close in preparation of my kiss while I then did the same until the door we had both exited out had come open and Trina exited-Vannah disappeared into the night around us. I could see Trina look to me as if I had gone insane and I smirked at the irony of the thought before moving towards her. Although she had vanished into the night, I could still feel her watching me and for some unknown reason, I like it-I wanted her to.

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