Undiagnosis

Chapter 3- Past

I went along with my life and the whole thought of a disease subsided after a while. I spent the few weeks I had pain-free with my friends and taking part in school activities.

I felt as if I had wasted my parent's and doctor's time and money and I felt guilty for that, I did.

The 8th grade passed with minimal kidney pain but lots of painful urination and my family and I were just told that it was all caused by exercise. I ignored it for a while until it made me realize it was there and only progressing.

The summer before freshman year was the worst...I had lost over 20 pounds in less than one month and was throwing up any food i could get into my mouth. I was nauseous everyday and had to work from 6am-2pm every weekday. Of course, I developed a useless crush and it was embarrassing almost throwing up in front of him and all of my coworkers/friends everyday.

I remember my all time disease low...I sat on the bathroom floor at 5 in the morning begging my body to let me get one slice of toast down my throat but i couldn't. Every time the toast would come close to my mouth I would start gagging and ended up dry heaving since there was nothing in my stomach. I hated throwing up and I will always hate it. I still went to work and never missed a day despite my troubles.

After about 2 weeks of not being able to eat at all in the mornings and not eating any other meals due to my constant nausea, I went to a different doctor and was diagnosed with GERD(a chronic form of acid reflux) and we thought we had solved it. I went on antacids and they helped...but only for a month or so. I would jump medication to medication desperately trying to find one that would work.

At the new doctors office, I was referred to a nephrologist(kidney doctor) because my proteinuria was rising and that wasn't at all normal for someone my age.

     If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to do as much as possible because soon I wouldn't be able to partake in activities without constant breaks, tears, and out of the blue episodes of sadness about my situation.

Back then, I thought to myself that if I was truly sick with some sort of disease, I would brave through it and stay strong. Which don't get me wrong, I did and continue to do now, but I left out the thought that maybe this disease was bigger and stronger than me and that this thing would continue to grow inside of me, claiming further sanctuary inside, becoming stronger by day, not allowing a joyous activity of any sort without painful consequence.