Rants and my life.

Homophobic Parents

If you know me in real life, tell me that you find this.

*Swear warning and homophobia, surprisingly.*

Where do I even begin?

My name is Mia I. I am 13. My birthday is August 7th, 2006 and I am Pansexual.

And I'm proud.

But sometimes I'm not.

I have homophobic parents, and it is the worst thing ever.

They aren't openly homophobic. You gotta bring it up. It first started just this April when I started to paint a "Love is Love" on my poster. At this time, I identified as bisexual.

I wrote the words and colored them rainbow and reversed it in the middle. Onetime, my mom was about to leave the house, and she stopped to bid me farewell.

My house is three stores, but I sometimes refer to it as 2.5. There is the doorway with the bathroom directly to the right, A dining room straight forward with the kitchen attached to the left of the doorway. The living room is connected through a stairway between the bathroom and the dining room door. I just thought I'd clarify. For future reference, maybe. I don't know.

I was going to paint the canvas outside and I was about to descent the stairs- Until my mom came around the corner. She started saying goodbye and I turned the canvas with my wrist to... hide the front. You could probably see if from the back, though. I didn't have that many choices, nor a sharp mind. After an awkward moment, she just confronted me. "Are you a lesbian?" I paused and then answered "No." with then slightest smirk because

...I'm realizing now that I don't remember what happened after. I know she said like "Mia, come here." and I did. She put her arms on my shoulders and then asked who it was for. I said it was for my friends questionilly. I remember being nervous.

I didn't know how my parents viewed homosexuality before this.

She started saying my friends were delusional and how they were confused. I got angry. Why wouldn't I be?

She said they were just hormonal kids.

EVERYTHING IS HORMONES MOM. Straight people also get hormones. We get hormones for moods, which we have EVERY DAY, shut the

up and get a LIFE!

I started crying and told her "but they are my friends..." while choking up. I remember fucking RUNNING back up the stairs and just running up the other set and to my rude. I jumped on my friend and started bawling. I am crying while typing this.

She later told me going to bed that nobody should know their sexuality when they are twelve (which I knew was bullshit but whatever) and they should wait. She also asked me when I think dating is okay and I said 16. I know think differently because I am a hopeless romantic even though I can't flirt for the life of me.

Probably... Maybe, 2 or 3 weeks later, I bought Bisexual merch; it was 2 simple shirts, one was a "worlds okayest Bisexual" and a "Move, I'm bi". My grandmother loves to shop for me. She brings something she bought every week. So I... convinced her to let me use her card to get them. I didn't show them to her. About a... week? They came in. I was so happy. They stunk. Really badly. It was like the shirts have been in a chemical factory for a month. I put them in an unused drawer and doused them in perfume every other day. It went away just in time for pride month. I wore the World's Okayest Bisexual shirt. I got notes. It was pretty chill.

However, I forgot to zip up my sweatshirt. My mom picks me up from school. I had my messenger back over my head so the thing that is on the shirt, plus my sweatshirt over the sides so I thought I was fine. I zipped in the car. I mouthed at my friend a sentence of the situation during the ride. When I got home, my friend went on my computer to get our online math textbook ready for our homework assignment. I went to take my shoes off at the front door hallway and my mom tells me harshly that I need to change and put that shirt away until I'm sixteen. Keep in mind, this was the first day of pride month. I told my friends I would come out soon. I'm sorta kind of glad, because I would have to explain to them that I was wrong about my sexuality- if I wasn't disowned yet

I ended up giving my "Move, I'm Bi" shirt to a school friend the very next day and the "World's Okayest shirt" to a theatre friend who later came out as Bi a month later. Riley didn't even know she was Bi, she was a 5th grader at the time she did. She thought she was a Lesbian because she was told that if a girl likes a girl she was Lesbian. Guess who got sidetracked?

On the 20, I believe? It was the last day of school and I had a sleepover at my house with 6 other girls. We had plans to go to a place nearby called Crescent Ridge, an Ice cream place nearby. I think it's the only one. My mom,

, was the only one to drive us, my dad didn't come fast enough. 4 of my friends went into the car while 2 of my friends would walk like a tiny bit there. That day, I had a somewhat rainbow pin on my shirt. The pink was a white heart with some rainbow on it. It was dull colors and missed like green. My mom came back for us and saw it, apparently, and told me to put it away or burn it. Of course, she said it in Lithuanian so my friends didn't understand, but... That killed me. I forgot once again to hide it.

Oh yea, I was shopping with my grandmother and we went to Michael's to get stuff for the sleepover. While walking, I saw the pride section. I couldn't get big stuff, I thought, so I just attempted to be sneaky and get a sparkly sticker of a rainbow piece side from there. My grandmother noticed, sadly, and started to argue about me about how they are "demented, and you shouldn't hang with them, there is something wrong with them.

I ended up breaking down

because she wouldn't stop. Talking. I ended up separating from her and getting the things I needed as slowly as possible. It broke me inside.

One time, I was searching up moods for writing, and there was a rainbow emotion thing and I think she saw it. She asked me what was 'wrong with me.' I told her nothing. Coming to think about it, it might be because I searched up moods.

The worst thing about homophobic parents is that you have to hide. I no longer have the courage to come out. I no longer have the courage to even come out anymore?

 How do I tell her than two of my friends are trans and they are probably going to come out soon? Will she even allow me to talk to them even more?

How do I be prideful when I am in a tight space. I can't hang any flags, have any quotes. Paint. Everything I do is hated.

I have a trans friend. Her name is Abigail. She goes by her name as Aaron to those who don't know. She's depressed. And self harms. Her parents don't accept it. They keep misgendering her and when she corrects when they shrug it off. How do I fix that? I can't. I know I can't. But what am I supposed to do? She can't move in with me. Fucking. Hell.

But there are more like her. Tons more. There are innocent people behind beaten for their sexual orientation and gender identity. How do I fix this?

I can't even be brave about my situation. How do I fight for others?