"maddison, please just tell me what you meant when you said you had to pull away", she begged, tears welling up in her eyes.
"i can't", i cried, terrified of what could come as a result of my explanation.
"please", nicole pleaded, crying quietly but evidently.
"i don't want you to hate me", i said softly, desperately wanting to say more, finding myself incapable of doing so.
"what", she breathed. "no"
"you were so distant", i cried. "i didn't what else to make of it. we were so far apart. i felt like i was losing you", i explained. she remained silent, scaring me more than anything else ever has or could.
when she spoke, it came out dryly. "why do you think i was distant", she stated, sending chills down my spine.
"what", i squeaked, barely making a sound. i knew the answer, but chose to ask anyway, "wait, you've been pulling away this entire time, haven't you?" she looked away, refusing to answer. it was pretty clear to us both that i already knew. i didn't want to say anything further, but couldn't stop myself. "why didn't you tell me", i asked, though it sounded like more of a statement than a question.
"i-i'm sorry", she managed to say.
i shook my head, refusing to believe what i was hearing. "no", i said, catching her off guard. "no, no, please no" we were both in tears.
"i'm sorry", she said again. i shook my head again, this time remaining silent. "i'm sorry. i didn't want any drama. i thought that if i pulled away slowly and quietly, it would hurt less", she explained through sobs. "i thought it would make it easier to say goodbye"
"no!", i shrieked. "it's never easy to say goodbye! it's never not painful. it always hurts and sucks but that's life. life is pain. life is pain", i told her, trying to remain stable.
"i don't want to lose you. i can't lose you", she sobbed.
i bit my lip. "i don't want to lose you either, but we have to. we have to do this. it was destined to happen", i said reluctantly, pulling her head into my lap, hoping to console. it was no use; there was simply no getting over something like this. once a heart breaks, it never heals completely, and our hearts had shattered. "it had to happen. we were too far apart already"
"no, no, no", she sobbed. the sight left me feeling more broken than before.
"i love you so much, you have no idea", i said, pressing my lips to the hair on the top of her head.
"i can't do this without you. Please, maddison, you're my best friend. please don't make me do this without you. please, please don't do this", she pleaded. i shut my eyes tightly, knowing what needed to be done.
"you're going to better off on your own. i am so sorry, but this needs to be done" her sobs grew louder like a ringing in my ears.
"oh my god, no"
"i'm sorry", i repeated, pulling away from my best friend for the last time ever. i stood up, desperately fighting back my own tears as i walked away. when i reached the door, just before i walked out, i stopped. i finally said, "i am so sorry".
