I find myself dissociating, my body floating out of itself and my mind whispering. My mind seems to go blank and transparent yet violently blue and flashing yellow.
The longer I think the more lost I become in my thoughts, yelling and screaming enveloping my head and drowning me.
My throat suffocates me again and my tears jerk at eyes.
It's hard for me to live in 1st person as mind transfers from 3rd to 1st.
What am I coping with.
If God was real I'd finally be free and happy and I wouldn't feel this way.
I have a constant fear that others can read my thoughts or something out there. That in being watched, I'm a test subject and everything else is fake. What they're telling for, I don't know, but I don't know how to defy then if they can read my thoughts.
