ghost of you | a.i.

Chapter Three

"How is he doing?" I heard a voice say on the other side of the door.

I stopped with my hand on the handle. I wanted to know what my friends were saying about me. I needed to know how I was portraying myself or if it seemed like I was doing okay. I didn't want them to worry.

"He's hard to read." That was Luke's voice. He had been at my apartment earlier this morning. "His apartment is trashed and he isn't eating so I don't know."

"His mom came to visit with his siblings; maybe that will help him feel better?" That was Michael.

The people in the recording room were quiet for a moment. No one spoke and I debating on opening the door. Someone sighed loudly.

"I can't believe he has to deal with this. It's such bullshit." Calum sounded so mad. Mad at what? I couldn't tell you. "I don't understand why Ash has to deal with this kind of loss."

"Cal," Michael butted in. "She's just in-"

I opened the door. I didn't want them to keep talking about me. Most of all I didn't want reminder of what type of shape Cora was in. I forced a smile at the people in the room.

"Hi, guys," I said, stepping into the room and closing the door.

"Hey, Ash," they all said at different times.

I kept the smile on my face as I walked in and sat down in an open chair.

"So," I said, clasping my hands together. "What song are we working on today?"

"Are you sure you're up for work today," Luke asked, tilting his head to the side. Almost like a dog trying to hear me better.

I nodded. "Sure am. I want to pretend that things are back to normal."

The boys all eyed each other before eyeing me again. I suppressed the idea to roll my eyes at them. It was like they were stepping on eggshells around me and it was getting the point where it was pissing me off. Yes, my girlfriend got into a bad car crash. Yes, she was air lifted from the scene. Yes, she is hooked up to a bunch of machines. But did I want to be treated the way I was being treated? No. Treat me like normal. They didn't seem to get that.

I took a deep breathe. "Which song did you guys want to work on?"

"We were thinking maybe Empty Wallets, If We're Meant To, or Moving On," Cal answered, nodding. He glanced at the other boys again.

Stop doing that, I thought. You're making it seem like you guys have a secret you're afraid to tell me.

"How about we just get into the recording studio and you boys just... see what happens," Yacoub, one of our producers, said. He rubbed his pant legs with the palm of his hands. "We don't have all day in here. Might as well get as much use out of it as we can."

We stood up and all four of us walked into the recording studio. Today was a vocal day so we weren't using the instruments. I walked to farthest mic from the door and picked up the headphones. We got everything in place and Yacoub started the acoustic version of Moving On. I let the music envelope me and take away the heartache I was feeling.

"Thinking about you lots lately," Michael's voice came through the headphones. "Are you eating breakfast alone like me? Thinking about you lots lately."

Don't think about it Ash, I told myself. Don't think about her.

"Is it weird that I'm drunk and on my sofa," Luke chided in. "Is it weird that I'm naked on my sofa? Alone, damn I wish I didn't know ya. Is it weird? So weird."

"Hold on," Yacoub said through the headphones. He cut off the music. "Start from the top, but Luke you sing and start as soon as the music starts."

I glanced at Luke as he nodded. He was becoming more and more our lead vocalist. But is that really a bad thing? I mean Calum and Michael both play an instrument and Luke plays the guitar. So, I mean... someone had to step up. Right?

"Thinking about you lots lately," Luke sang.

I closed my eyes. Cora's smile dancing across my blackened vision.

"Have you been eating breakfast alone like me? I've been thinking about you lots lately."

I was eating alone now. I hadn't eaten alone in about four months. Not since I asked Cora to move in.

"Ash, you need to loosen up a bit," she said as she took my hand. "Relax and just kind of sway to the music until you find the beat."

She took a second to stop and tie her shoe. Cora had insisted on wearing shoes. Something about how I had the potential to crush her toes by stepping on them too many times. She was teaching me some sort of ballroom dance. It was one of the last times I came over to her apartment before I asked her to move in with me. Don't ask me why I agreed to it but I did. We were only on the basics of this dance. The couch and the coffee table had been pushed back against the walls in order to provide room for us to move.

"We won't have as much space as you would in an actual classroom or let alone any real ballroom dance floor," Cora said, standing up straight. She readjusted her shirt.

"Which one are you teaching me again," I asked as she fixed my arms.

"The tango," she said, grasping my hands and setting herself into position. "Come on, I learned this in a club my freshman year at college. It's a lot of fun." She played the music. "T-A-N-G-O. T-A-N-G-O."

We moved across the living room floor as she spelled out Tango. I don't understand how she knew when to turn but she did. The turn was the hardest part for me to do. It was the simplest thing to do really. You just turn your body as you're doing the steps. But I kept stepping on her feet.

"Okay, I'm going to show you one of my favorite moves I learned?" Cora said, smiling up at me. I nodded. "This might be a waltz move I don't really remember but it was fun." She shook her head. "Nevermind, I am actually just going to show you the grapevine."

I laughed. "Okay, whatever you say," I said, kissing her forehead.

"You're walking straight, but your torso is facing me," Cora said and then proceeded to drag me around the room showing me what she meant. "But remember to use the five step count."

"I know I'm the stupid one who ended it," Luke was singing. "And I'm the stupid one regretting it. It only took me a couple drinks to admit it. I know I'm the stupid one."

"Stop," I said suddenly. "Stop, please."

I took my headphones off. They were all staring at me. I did something wrong. I didn't want to keep listening to this song. It reminded me too much of what happened. I took a deep breath.

"I am the stupid one," I murmured. "I am the stupid one and I cannot stop thinking about how I am the stupid one."

"Ash, what do you-" Michael started to ask, his headphones in his hand.

"He broke up with Cora," Luke cut in. "They got into that stupid fight and they broke up."

My heart shattered. Why did he have to say it like that? I closed my eyes, sucking in a breath. I opened my eyes as they filled with tears. My chin lifted to the sky and I opened my mouth slightly trying to stop the tears.

"Sorry," Luke mumbled. "I didn't mean to say it like that."

I shook my head. "No, its fine," I muttered back. "I get it. It just hurts because I feel like it's my fault she got in that car crash."

My head was still facing the ceiling. Michael hugged me. Then the other two hugged me as well. I let the tears fall. I couldn't restrain them any longer.

"It's not your fault, Ash," Calum said. "It's really not."

"She could die," I whimpered. "Because I let her drive home."

Michael squeezed me tighter and I hiccupped. I let them hug me for a bit. I usually don't join in on these group hugs, but right now in this moment... I was thankful for my band mates. They're my brothers.