Not Happening // ziam

Chapter 28

The walk to his dorm is far shorter than Zayn had hoped it would be. His hands may be shaking, just a bit, as he pulls open the door to their floor. And he gets halfway down the hall to their room before panic sets in. What if Liam doesn't want to hear him out? What if he just yells at Zayn instead? Or, what if Zayn can't think of the right words to say? What if it all comes out as a jumbled mess and he only makes things worse?

Fuck it. He pushes open the door anyway. And Liam's not there.

Zayn chews his lip, looking around, as if Liam could be hiding somewhere. But unless he's under the beds, he's not. So Zayn sits down at the desk, turned to face the door, and he waits. And the longer he waits, the more nervous he gets, until he's ready to jump out of the chair and leave the room.

Liam comes in before he can. He's wearing a thick hoodie and sweatpants, and Zayn's pretty sure half of that belongs to Niall. Liam softly shuts the door behind himself and leans against it, head ducked. He looks - he looks hurt, is what he looks. Like what Zayn said to him earlier had truly, deeply wounded him.

So Zayn sucks it up, closes his eyes, and says a sincere, genuine, "I'm sorry."

When he opens his eyes, Liam's still got his head ducked, but his gaze meets Zayn's. His brown eyes are narrowed and distrustful. "For what, exactly?"

Zayn squirms. "Um. A lot of things?"

Liam nods. "You should be."

"Yeah, but so should you," Zayn points out.

Liam nods again, pushing away from the wall. His feet drag across the floor on the way to his bed, like he's too tired to fully lift them. He falls onto it, leaning forward to put his head in his hands. Zayn doesn't bother him, figures Liam needs a moment and lets him have it. When he finally lifts his head again, he says, "I was trying to win you over. With the chocolates, and the...." He waves a hand.

"Song lyrics," Zayn supplies. Once more, Liam silently nods his confirmation. "I thought you were fucking with me, that's why I reacted that way. But Niall said you weren't, and Harry yelled at me, and-"

"Harry yelled at you?" Liam looks completely shocked.

"Right? I didn't see it coming, either." Zayn slides a hand through his hair. "He told me I should apologize, too."

Liam stiffens, expression going blank. "So that's why you're doing it, then," he says coldly. "Because Harry told you to."

Zayn is out of the chair in seconds. He kneels in front of Liam, hands hesitantly resting on his thighs, in case Liam doesn't want to be touched. But Liam doesn't push him away, so he takes that as encouragement. "That's not why I'm apologizing," he says lowly. "I mean, that's why I'm doing it now, but that's - I'm not saying it just because Harry told me I should. I'm saying it because I mean it."

Liam snorts, disbelieving. "Right."

"Liam," Zayn pleads.

"What are you sorry for, then?" Liam asks. He's sitting with his back straight, hands clenched on the bed at his sides, eyes on the wall above Zayn's head. "If you mean it, then what are you sorry for? Specifically?"

Zayn chews the inside of his lip. It makes him sick, how many things could fill in the blank here. So, so many options that it's really no wonder Liam hates him. Maybe Zayn was justified in his hatred for Liam, too, but that doesn't make it okay. They'd both fucked up, as Harry said. "For not thanking you for the chocolates," he decides, going with the last offence first. "And the song lyrics. Even if it was cheesy as hell."

Liam groans. "Can we just pretend that never happened, please? God, that's almost as bad as the Christmas party when I set up the lights and got your present and you never showed up. You make me do a lot of embarrassing things, apparently."

"The lights?" Zayn asks, completely lost.

Liam's face flushes. "I, uh, borrowed a few Christmas lights from the party and hung them up. I thought it'd be romantic."

"And I didn't show up," Zayn states.

"And you didn't show up," Liam repeats. "I felt like an idiot. It - it was definitely one of the lower points of my life. Here I was, ready to spill my heart out to you, and you didn't even show. Like, I could have handled the rejection just fine. I don't expect you to feel things for me just because I feel them for you. But you didn't even come, and I realized afterwards that I was stupid to think that you would."

Zayn can picture it, his eyes going out of focus. Liam setting up lights around the room, nervously jiggling his leg as he waited for Zayn to show up. And then Zayn, sitting in the car, looking down at the message and leaving it for almost an hour, until he was far away from the school and from Liam, before telling him that he'd left. Had Liam sat there the whole time, waiting for an answer?

"I'm sorry for that, too," Zayn says. "Fuck, Liam, I didn't know."

"'s fine," Liam assures him. "I'm over it."

Zayn inhales deeply, resting his head on Liam's thigh. "I'm sorry for a lot of other things, too. Like treating you like you're stupid, because you're not. Or looking down on you for getting so into football and working out."

"I'm sorry for making fun of you for actually working hard," Liam counters. "And for those times that I hit snooze on your alarm so you were late for class."

Zayn lifts his head, looking up sharply. "You what?"

Liam chuckles sheepishly. "It was only a handful of times," he defends. "Only because you'd really pissed me off, and your alarm is annoying."

Zayn stands up, pushing at Liam's shoulders. Liam falls back on the bed, a big, silly grin on his face. "I can't believe you did that," Zayn says, sounding as scandalized as he feels. How many days did he have to run to class because of Liam? How many times did he wake up confused, thinking maybe he'd hit the snooze button himself? And all that time, it was Liam. "Prick!"