𝘉𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢 / 𝘫. 𝘥. 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘦𝘳

00

"We're so sorry." he said.

"She's gone." the one in the middle said.

"We couldn't do anything to save her." all three doctors stood in front of us. I didn't want to look at their faces, I couldn't look at their faces. My seven year old self just stared at their shiny black dress shoes and the tiled floor of the hospital room.

I heard my brother's breath hitch in his throat. I felt my dad move forward. He got up and walked outside with the three doctors.

Without talking, my brother took me in his arms and cradled me as we both cried.

Minutes later, the door opened slowly and in walked my father- except he didn't look like the man I knew.

My father was strong, tall, handsome- always wearing a dashing smile. This man standing in front of us looked tired, sickly, and his face only showed pure sadness. His frame turned from broad to a hunch within the past few months. His hard brown eyes went dull from staying awake at the hospital for countless days.

My brother stood up and crashed into my father and just balled his eyes out. The man leaned down and hugged him for what seemed like hours. As they mourned together, I sat on the orange leather couch and stared at the bed where my mother had been laying hours before.

My older brother let go of him and the man walked to me. He sat with me, pulling me close and whispering in my ear

"Jamie, wake up."

Wait...

That's not what he told me.

"Jamie you need to wake up." he said to me again. 

All of a sudden, my eyes flashed open and I could feel my heart clamoring in my chest. 

My eyes met another pair that was familiar. I couldn't make out the face, but I knew who it was. It was the one person that had been there when I fell off my first bike. The one that picked me up from school every single day whether they were sick, whether it was snowing, raining, or the sun was shining. The one who helped me study for a test, or do my homework each day. The one who manages to juggle college, a house and it's bills, three and a half jobs, and me all at once. 

They were the eyes of my brother. 

I sat up straight and pulled him into a hug as tears escaped my eyes. He stroked the back of my head and whispered that it was going to be fine, that all of it would be better soon.  

"Jamie you're okay. We're okay." he held me tight as he also tried not to shatter too. 

For minutes we sat in silence, our heads bowed, until I looked up and at my older brother. 

"What time is it? Do I have to get ready for school yet?" my throat was dry, causing pain to shoot down my neck. 

"No, it's four in the morning. I heard you yelling in your sleep, so I came in." he explained. "You still have three hours to sleep."

"Oh." I winced as I spoke. "I'm sorry for waking you. I just- they started happening again." I couldn't look him in the eyes this time. I felt so guilty for waking him. We had spent so much time and what was left of our savings on therapy and meds for me, but now all of a sudden I start having the dreams again. 

"No, no. It's not your fault. I was up anyways." he gave me a sad smile. "Mary is coming in a month. She called about half an hour ago." confused, I looked up once more and he went on. "Australian time." this time, I actually caught a glimpse of his shiny white teeth. 

I chuckled slightly before closing my eyes. "You should go to bed." I said softly as I felt my eyes drooping. I wasn't exactly saying it for him, it was more for me, even though the kid had already created a highly unusual sleep schedule. Ezra shook his head before he spoke again. 

"I'll come check on you in a few minutes..." his voice came out as a whisper for some reason. He cleared his throat and looked at me, the moonlight lighting up my face. "Get some rest jay." he leaned forward and planted a light kiss on to my forehead. I smiled up at him softly before I laid down and he re-tucked me in. 

"Night Ez," I said. "Thank you."

His hand was already on the door knob and had opened it when he stepped in the doorjamb and spoke without turning his body. "Goodnight Jamie Lynn."

As soon as I let my eyes shut entirely, I felt my whole body shut off and it was as if I was on a current of sleep, pulling me through an ocean of memories and dreams.