Midnight Rising

Realizations

Towel drying my hair I flip on the television mounted to the wall of the bathroom. I need a distraction from my racing thoughts. The weary-looking face of a brunette news reporter comes into focus. Her eyes are puffy as if she's spent a sleepless night crying. The reporter's voice cracks a few times as she reports the newest Mystic Falls death. "Another suicide or a tragic accident? MFPD has lost one of its shining stars. Mystic Falls Police Department's public relations rep, Rachael Hollister—"

Not wanting to hear the speculation about Rachael's untimely, devastating death, I turn the television off. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I wander out into the bedroom. Once again Elena stands there, like an ugly stain on the wall that just won't go away, no matter how much scrubbing you do.

"Just can't stay away, can you?" I question the girl as I begin to disassemble the leads gathered throughout the summer. Now that Elena knows where I've kept Stefan's movements hidden, I have to destroy them. If she has nothing to start with, Elena won't be able to go off on her own. The last thing we need is Klaus finding out she's alive.

Elena crosses her arms over her chest, leaning all her weight on one leg as she follows my movements with her eyes, "You've been dodging my calls."

"Yeah, well, busy dating a dead, fake girlfriend and all," I answer with a shrug, beginning to pull clothes from the dresser.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Elena's hand flies up in front of her face as I drop the towel, tugging on a pair of jeans, "Happy Birthday, Elena. Stefan killed Rachael. Oh, also, Diana is choosing now of all times to be selfless so there's no way in hell she's coming back anytime soon which means we have to handle all this alone. Cake?"

"He called me, Damon," Elena blurts out.

Pulling on a t-shirt, I spin towards the girl. She's obviously lost her mind. Klaus has banned all use of devices that could be tracked. There's no way Stefan was able to call her. "What?"

"Stefan called me last night," Elena repeats, sticking to her story. The girl's hope is making her delusional.

Not wanting to fight, I play along, "Well, what did he say?"

"He didn't say anything," Elena admits, the smug look she's been wearing sliding from her thin features. "It was him. I asked Sheriff Forbes if she would trace the call's origin. It came from Tennessee."

I need Elena's friends to come back from their summer trips. At least with all of them back, I won't have to babysit her all day every day. She's alone for less than twenty-four hours and she's already run off to get her own lead. This needs to be squashed, "Where he's binge drinking on the country folk. We went through this Elena." Trying to put the last nail in the hope coffin, I toss all of the leads I've gathered into the fire. "Stefan is gone and I don't mean geographically."

"If he was gone he wouldn't have called," Great. She wants to argue today.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I shake my head, "She said he was slipping and would be soon. He killed Rachael and didn't even blink."

"So she was here?"

"Yeah," I answer with a sigh, running my fingers through my damp hair. While seeing Diana was a high like no other, it's left me feeling lower than ever before. Nothing I could have done would have kept her here. I wasn't enough to make her turn her back on my brother. "She was here long enough to rip my heart out all over and carry it away."

Although Elena softens a little, she still has the same stubborn glint in her eyes that she's had since Stefan left. She's in this for the long fight. Elena isn't going to give up, no matter what I do. "You're not giving up on her. Why should I give up on him?"

"Because he isn't the same person who left," Springing up from the bed, I get in Elena's face, needing her to understand that the Stefan who left is not going to be the Stefan that returns home. I'm done playing the good guy. I'm not her friend here to let her cry on my shoulder and tell her it'll all be okay. Nothing is going to be okay. Stefan is gone. Diana is gone. They aren't coming home and if they do they'll be too wrapped up in each other's dysfunction to care about the rest of us. "He's gone!"

Despite the invasion of her personal space, Elena doesn't even flinch, holding her ground, "And she's not?"

"No. She won't turn it off. That's not who she is." Diana is a compartmentalist. She puts things in little boxes and does her best to not think about them again. Over her hundreds of years of life, she's become quite good at it. Diana doesn't need to turn off her humanity to deal with the wicked in the world. She can be just as wicked and hard with her humanity turned on. I don't know anything that would push her to that extreme, especially if Stefan needs her.

"Maybe that's not who Stefan is."

Taking a step back, I let out a frustrated sigh, beginning to pace back and forth. There's no getting through to her, I'm wasting my breath. Until Elena sees who Stefan has become she's not going to give up on him, "He'll do it eventually. The blood will get to him. He's not like her, Elena; Stefan isn't as strong. Now drop it, he's gone."

Elena stands silent for a few minutes, hands planted firmly on her hips. Aggravated brown eyes follow me as I move through the room. Finally, Elena takes in a deep breath, eyebrows coming together as she frowns, "How can you love someone like her?"

"You don't know her like I do," I respond, giving the simple answer. Elena doesn't get to come in here and question the connection Diana and I have. It's something she couldn't even begin to wrap her head around, not even if she lived a thousand lifetimes.

Elena has already formulated her rebuttal, probably having gone through this conversation in her mind a million times, "I know this isn't the first time she's walked away."

"She's spent most of her life not feeling anything," I begin to explain. There's no way for me to expect Elena to ever understand who Diana is without letting her into the vampire's world. Diana is special, a paradox in almost every way. She's difficult to understand. That makes it easy for people to get the wrong idea of her. "Emotions scare her. It's easier for Diana to push people away."

"That isn't fair to you."

Shaking my head, I lean against the dresser, "It isn't fair for her to ask her to be something she isn't, Elena. I accepted Diana for who she is a long time ago. I love her more for not being afraid to be unapologetically herself."

"A bitch?" Elena offers back with a raise of the eyebrow.

Smirking, I shake my head, "A goddess. Sure, it blows when she's away, but I'd take a lifetime without her just for a second of time together."

"That's why you can't give up on her," what should be a question comes out as a statement. For the first time since Stefan left, I begin to understand why Elena can't give up on Stefan. In her own, very human and very naïve way of thinking, she feels the same way for Stefan that I do for Diana.

Uncomfortable with this realization, I drop my gaze to the floor, "Yeah."

"You're an idiot," Elena chides, giving me a grin as I look up again.

"Probably," Elena turns, showing herself out of my room. "Probably."