1000 Jokes

Funny

---M.A.T.H---
Math=Mental,Abuse,To Humans
VOTE IF YOU AGREE!
---Write In the Dark---
YOU="Dad can you write in the dark?"
DAD="I think so,why?"
YOU="Ok good,write on this report card".....
---Texting---
YOU="Mum,I got an A in MATH"
MUM="WTF"
YOU="Mum what do you think that means?"
Mum="Well That's Fantastic"
YOU="Well That's Fantastic -__-"
---Lazy---
5858432668966321579 of you are so lazy that you didn't even read that number...... Wow guys...wow!
---Library Restaurant---
Guy in a library walks up to the librarian and says "I'll have a chesse burger and fries,please."
He responds "Sir you know your in a library,right"
Guy says "oh sorry,(in a whisper) I'll have a cheeseburger and fries,please."
---HaHa---
Apple="I look like a heart!"
Mango="I look like a stomach!"
Grapes="I look like eyes!"
Banana="I hate this game!"
---Scary!(Not)---
Son="Dad do you believe in ghost?"
Dad="Of course not son,ghost don't exist."
Son="But the maid said there were ghost here!"
Dad="Son,pack your things."
Son="Why?"
Dad="We don't have a maid!!!"
---Phone---
Mum="Can I have your phone?"
Me="Sure!"
(Delete,delete,Delete)
Me="Here you go!"
---Song---
Twinkle,Twinkle,Twinkle little star
I want to hit you with my car
Throw you off a bridge so high
Hope you break your neck and die
Twinkle,Twinkle,Twinkle little star
I want to hit you with my car.
---Funny---
Waiter="Did I keep you waiting long?"
Me="No,but did you know that there are 32563 squares on the ceiling?!?!"
---Spider---
Girl="Dady,Dady I want a Spider!!!"
Dad="How much do they cost?"
Girl="200"
Dad="Oh really wouldn't it be cheaper on the Web?"
Girl="Haha.......Dad that's not funny."
---Who's Phone---
There's a man at a golf course and he is with some of his friends and they just finished playing golf and there in the changing room....
(A phone rings and a guy picks it up)
Phone Talk-
Lady="Hey honey still at the golf course?"
Guy="Yea"
Lady="Well...Remember that coat that was $999,I really want it and it's on sale for 550."
Guy="So what are you saying?"
Lady="Can I get it?"
Guy="Well....If it really means that much to you than.....Ok you can use my credit card."
Lady="Wow really OMG!"
Guy="....."
Lady="There's also this other thing I wanted......"
Men="Yes?"
Lady="Remember that corvette with all the expensive features for $68,000
....well I really want it because everybody else has really cool cars..."
Guy="Well....uhh.....It's a bit pricey..but ok if you really want it."
Lady="OH MY GOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!"
Guy="Love you honey!"
Lady="Oh yeah about that house....."
Guy="How much?"
Lady="Well is a gaint mansion with 3 pools and spas and everything for $3,967,582..."
Men="Go for it I can't wait!"
Lady="Ok thanks honey go to go,bye!"
Guy="Bye"
(Hangs up phone and says.....)
Guy="Does anyone know who's phone this is?"