The mirage of hope

another start

I am woken up by the relentless sound of my alarm clock. 

“Dawn of another day in hellâ€,i think as I struggle to get up from my bed. 

All the crying last night is finally having a good result.I was able to fall in to a continuous sleep after the exhaustion. 

I dragged myself to the bathroom,and look in the mirror. I winced,seeing my swollen and reddish eyes. 

“As if I wasn't expecting thatâ€,i muttered. 

After a long shower and several coats of makeup to hide all my scares around my neck and arms-some of them due to self harm-i proceeded making my way to my “new†school. 

There was no one to make me breakfast lunch or dinner,or someone to call me and say that I'm getting late. 

Not that I ever needed someone. 

Sometimes for school I old just make up parents I never had:ones who were perfect,kind and human. 

But that was all a part of the facade I had to put on.In other words a lie.To be more precise,just one lie in the web of lies I made up 16 years ago. 

So thats how I started my new school.My new life. 

i think this one is my 67th try, 

Try for what you ask? It's my 67th try of pretending to be leading a normal life.To have a normal family.To be human. 

Most of the time,I don't even know why I try.is it because I'm bored? Or is it because I just want to fit in like everyone else?no,i think it has more to do with forgetting all the nasty things I have done. 

People always do bad things.thats nature.But when you have a millennium of bad things to carry on your shoulder as dead weight,and to know that no matter what you wont forget or forgive yourself,it is indeed very painful. 

Then again,thats what it means to be a vampire.What it means to be me. 

I do eat.Sleep and drink human things.But those are never nessasery.human food doesn't satisfy my hunger-or ratter thirst-but over the years I have learnt to tolerate it. 

Yes,.im exactly 1156 years of age this year.My birthday-the human one-is coming up next month.If I make enough friends by that time,i would probably have a party for sweet sixteen…again.just be be human,to feel human again.To forget the curse. 

So this is what I thought as I rode the bus to my new school,hoping for a new day,a new life….at least they realise that I don't age.