The Dying of the Light

Chapter Thirty-One

A/N: See?  He's alive and kicking.  Now you can all stop plotting my death.  LOL!  The road back for our lovebirds will be a rough one.  I can't help it.  I love some angst.  Don't worry, though.  They'll make it, but it'll be hard.

Arthit was alone in the hospital garden. He sat on the bench where he shared his first kiss with Kongpob. The memory, which once made him smile and feel warm inside, now caused him pain. His heart clenched. He wiped at his eyes, willing himself to stop crying but he couldn't. The pain was too great. His mind was flooded with painful memories. Seeing Kongpob's death reported on the television; seeing his cold body in the morgue; watching his casket being cremated. His mind was flooded. He fell to his knees and screamed. His hands gripped his chest, hoping he could massage his heart until it stopped hurting.

"How could you do this to me, Kong," he screamed at the night sky. His body was shaking violently from his uncontrolled sobbing. Suddenly he felt arms around him. He flinched and spun around to see who it was. His eyes met Kongpob's.

Kongpob's heart tightened seeing Arthit. His eyes were red and puffy with dark circles under them. He beautiful white skin was pale. He was much thinner since the last time he had seen him. Kongpob was consumed with guilt knowing that Arthit's condition was all his fault. He had made him this way. Kongpob lowered his head so Arthit wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Arthit. I'm so sorry."

Arthit fumed.

"You're sorry? SORRY?" Arthit yelled at Kongpob and punched him with all his might, his fist connecting with Kongpob's face. Kongpob fell to ground, gripping his face and wiping the blood coming from his lip.

"I don't know what else to say, Arthit. I did what I had to do, and I am sorry you were hurt as a result. I never wanted you to suffer."

"Really? You never wanted me to suffer? I thought you died, Kong. DIED! Do you know what that did to me? You were the love of my LIFE! My other half. My whole world."

Kongpob looked up. "WERE? I was the love of your life? Am I no longer?"

Arthit began to cry again. "My fiancé died. I wanted to die myself. After you left, I felt I had nothing to live for. Cancer almost took you away from me. I thanked God when you made it through that. I promised God that if he spared your life, I would dedicate myself to loving you every minute, every second of my remaining time on this earth. Then you died." Arthit looked down and held himself as he began to tremble.

"I cursed God and hated Him. How could the same God who saved you be so cruel to take you away from me? I know now that it wasn't God who was cruel. It was you, Kong. IT WAS YOU! You tore my heart from my chest. I couldn't breathe without you. I didn't know how to function. I was a zombie; a walking corpse."

Kongpob reached for Arthit, but he recoiled from his touch.

"Don't touch me."

"Arthit, please. Please let me explain. I love you Arthit. I need you. This time without you has been torture for me. I wanted to reach out to you every day, but I couldn't. You had already been shot once. You almost died because of me.  Knowing I was the reason for it tore me apart. I couldn't risk that happening again. The only way to lure Channarong out of the shadows was to..."

"Make yourself the bait? Get shot? Die? You were worried about me? What did you think it would do to me to see you die and leave me alone? Kong, I am an orphan. I have been alone in this world for most of my life."

Arthit took a deep breath, wiping his eyes and standing directly in front of Kongpob, their faces separated by inches.

"When I found you, I wasn't able to trust it because everyone I have ever loved has left me. Finding you was a miracle. I thanked God every morning. I thought I would go through this world alone until I could join my parents in Heaven, but I had you, Kong. I. Had. You. I was no longer alone in this life. Then you were gone. I was alone again. Do you know what that did to me?"

Kongpob opened and closed his mouth several times desperately trying to find the right words but his brain failed him. He reached out to Arthit again, but Arthit stepped back from him.

"Please forgive me Arthit. I love you." He fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Arthit's waist. "Don't leave me. I can't live without you. Please..." He began to sob, his body shaking.

Arthit bent down and removed Kongpob's arms from his waist. He took a deep breath and sighed.

"Kong, I don't know if I can forgive you." He looked at the ring on his finger. He slowly removed it. He grabbed Kong's hand, opened his palm and placed the ring in it. He walked away, leaving Kong in the garden.

"NO! N-noooo..." He stared at the ring in his hand, clenched his hand into a fist and beat his chest. He continued to do so until he bruised his skin.

His father appeared in the garden and cradled his son. Kerkkrai held his son's fist, stopping him from beating himself.

"Kong. Stop," he whispered in his ear. "You're hurting yourself."

"Dad, he left me. H-he's g-gone."

"He just needs time, Kong. He will forgive you. He loves you. He is hurting. He needs time to understand."

"No, he won't. I have hurt him too much.  I don't deserve his forgiveness."

Kerkkrai held his son's shoulders and looked at his face.

"Kong. Look at me." He lifted his son's chin to make him hold hid head up. "Arthit Rojnapat is your soulmate. What is it you call him? Your angel? Your lifeline? Give him time Kongpob. He will come back to you."

He embraced his son and rubbed his back.

"I hope so, dad. I hope so."