nancy boy • bennoda

Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

I just want something I can never have
••

They didn't know how long they stood there, Mike sobbing uncontrollably as Chester held him, but it was a long time.

When Mike finally felt drained of all energy, he just collapsed into his bed, not bothering to change nor take a shower. He whispered a soft 'I'm sorry' to Chester before pulling the duvet over his head, blocking the world out.

The blonde stood there, stunned. What had just happened? Damn it what have I done? I've basically cheated on my boyfriend and acted like the fucking slut that I am... I can't believe this... I'm so, so selfish. I'm so sorry, Mike, I didn't mean to hurt you. Fuck.

He went to his room after a quick shower and rolled around on bed, not able to relax at all. His head was spinning with so many thoughts. He felt so disgusting for cheating, he didn't understand why he had done that. Did he even like Mike or was he just lusting over him? Was he using Ryan? He was so scared that that would be true... he knew deep down that he didn't love the brunette the way he loved him, but he kept lying to himself because it was easier than to face the horrible human being he was.

In the room across, Mike was just the same. He wasn't crying anymore and the tears had dried, making his skin rough. His eyes were so small he could barely keep them open, but still, he couldn't shut them and sleep. His brain wouldn't let him.

He wondered if Chester was just playing with his heart... if Chester was using him just because he wanted some pleasure and Ryan wasn't available. He didn't believe the blonde was that kind of person, but he couldn't help but think of that possibility. Or perhaps... perhaps he did like him back and was going to end things with Ryan so they could be together.

Either way, his head wouldn't stop spinning over things he couldn't control, and he couldn't even close his eyes without seeing the image of Chester. Chester's laughing self, or when he smirked, that damned smirk that months ago had been the reason of Mike's rage towards him, his stormy eyes when he tried to seduce Mike all those times before, even the image of him passed out in the bathroom flooded his mind, and he wanted nothing more than to stop it already.

It was definitely past 6am when he heard someone's giggles as they stumbled through the door. Anna and Talinda. At least they were happy and had made it home safely.

He heard as they giggled and moaned, and he tucked the duvet over his head again, hiding his head under the pillow to muffle unwanted sounds.

Chester, on the other hand, had no choice to make as Talinda basically kicked him out of his own room so she could 'sleep' with her girlfriend.

"Ches, pleaseeeeee! I'll make it up to you laterrr!" She whined, slurring, the smell of alcohol almost unbearable as it reached his nostrils, and Chester grimaced. He wasn't in the mood to argue anyway, so he found himself easily agreeing.

As he walked out, shoulders sagged, he was clearly disappointed that Tal hadn't picked up on how miserable he was feeling, but he couldn't blame her. She was happy and about to get laid.

He hadn't felt like this since he had gotten with Ryan. No, since he had moved in with Mike... except from that day they had fought. Was Mike the reason why he was happier now? Was Mike the reason he was miserable right at that moment? Those thoughts flew through his head as he stood in front of the half Asian's door, contemplating if he should knock or not, afraid to wake the other man but also eager to make things right and to figure out what was going on between them. Their chemistry wasn't deniable anymore. Anyone could see it, including themselves, but they didn't seem to be able to admit it.