There I was walking through the halls just like any other day. Pretending like there was nothing was wrong. Pretending that I didn't hurt, that I didn't have this excruciating feeling of sadness weighing down heavier than bricks on my chest. I wouldn't let them know. They would never understand what it is like to feel like every step you take it gets harder. That it takes more energy than they could ever understand to keep going and even more to not break down over the tiniest of things every single day.
So I just pretend that nothing hurts. I become a character that is not overly self conscious, that doesn't spend every day unable to focus on anything because all you can think about is that you aren't good enough. The cliché is that you always get second place and never first. But you never even achieve second place. But when playing this character, in public with people distracting you little by little of the feeling destroying you from the inside out, you start to believe that you actually are this person. Until you come home and you immediately break down in your bedroom. It's impossible for me to actually be that person with this voice in my head telling me that I can never achieve anything and that I am just fooling myself by telling myself otherwise.
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Side note: it's kind of short but oh well.
