Changed Direction

Changed Direction Part 20

Chapter 20: Emilia

I hug my legs tightly, my entire body tense and rigid. I have to do this. I have to sit here with Ethan. He has to see that I am beginning to trust him. If he thinks I trust him, then he will let his guard down and I'll have a chance to escape. Until that happens, though, I'm just going to have to make myself sit with him.

Ethan is laying on the left side of the bed, his back resting against the black wooden headboard. The bed is pushed against a corner in his room, so he could also lean against his wall on his left. He has pillows both behind and beside him, I notice. His legs are stretched out on top of the dark blue bedspread, his laptop balancing on his legs and he scrolls though a list of movies.

"So, what sounds good?" Ethan asks. "What do you like?

I lean over just enough to see the movie titles. Ethan continues scrolling slowly so that I can see all my options. I don't know what to pick. Nothing really looks that good. Maybe I'm just not in the right mood for a movie, though. I think maybe I'm just too nervous to really be interested. Finally, I slowly reach out and point to one as Ethan scrolls through the horror movies. I've seen it before, so I can watch it again without being too invested. I'd rather just sit and think about what on earth I'm doing in Ethan's bed.

Ethan's brow furrows as he sees my choice. "Really?" He seems surprised, but not exactly thrilled. "You want to watch a scary movie? I would have thought you'd want to watch a romantic comedy or something light like that."

I really don't care what movie we watch. I am not going to pay much attention, anyway. I picked that one because it's only ninety minutes long. I could stay here for that length probably. I know I don't want to be here for two hours or more. Cheesy slasher movies are long enough to make Ethan content that I'm spending time with him and short enough not to overwhelm me.

Ethan still looks bothered. "Okay, but I'm just going to warn you. I don't like scary movies. I'll probably be more scared than you."

That doesn't seem likely. Nothing could be scarier than sitting in a bed next to the person who abducted you, drugged you, tied you up, and locked you in a closet. Whatever. I could handle it. As long as he doesn't touch me, I will be fine.

The movie starts and Ethan relaxes, sliding under the bedcovers. He shifts his laptop so that it sits between us. Good. There's a solid foot of space between him and me. I stay firmly planted on top of the covers, still hugging my legs. I rest my chin on my knees, still tense. I need to relax. This is not a comfortable position to maintain for very long.

I realize how scared I must appear to Ethan. I am curled up in a tight ball. This doesn't look like trust. I am trying to tell myself that merely sitting on the bed near Ethan is trust, but how I'm sitting now isn't good enough. He can tell I don't trust him, I'm sure of it. I have to relax. I can't stay this tense around him. As much as I hate to think this, I believe I'm going to have to put a little trust in him. Real trust, not the pretend trust I'm trying to show. I have to trust him not to hurt me in order to keep myself sane when I'm near him. I can't trust him completely, but I am going to have to trust him a little. If I don't I'll never be able to appear relaxed or content when I'm around him.

I hate this. I told myself I would never trust him. There's too much risk of developing Stockholm Syndrome, and that cannot happen. I cannot trust him. It seems like I'm not going to have a choice, though. I want to feign trust so that Ethan will think I trust him and that I'm settling and that I'm content or whatever, but the fake trust showed when I sat down. The lack of real trust, however, is preventing me from relaxing, and that's going to be how Ethan sees I do not actually trust him. I'm going to have to. I have to show real trust if I ever want to get out of here. I don't see how there's another choice.