Dan and Phil... My Daddies

Speaking Up & Staying

I woke up with blurry eyes and only a vague idea of what had happened yesterday. I was distracted by an uncomfortable lump underneath me. I stuck my hand under my body and felt my pacifier. I didn't have a paci clip so it had slipped under me.

I sat up and looked around me and suddenly remembered all that had happened. I felt tears welling in my eyes, but then I heard someone walking down the hallway. I wiped my eyes and stood. I didn't think I was brave enough to venture into the hallway by myself or in so little clothing. My borrowed shirt from Phil coming down to my thighs and completely coving my very short pajama shorts. I wrapped my Harley Quinn blanket around my shoulders and grabbed Rika off the couch. I kissed Ohio and left her in charge of my box of stuff.

I opened the door just a crack and peaked out. The hall was dark but there was a light on in the kitchen. I heard dan and Phil talking in low voices.

"I wonder if Cee is awake." That was Dan.

"She had a very long day yesterday. We need to let her sleep. She must be so scared." Phil said.

"I really like her Phil. She is so cute and sweet. I'd love her to stay so we can take care of her." Dan said. He sounded very big. Maybe because he's a switch he wakes up big. I usually wake up feeling little.

"Me too Dan. We've always talked about wanting to bring another little into our relationship and I feel like it's meant to be her. But we can't rush things. That guy who dumped her yesterday... he must have been playing her for a long time."

"What a dick." Phil didn't reprimand Dan for his language this time. I must have been right about him being big right now.

I don't want to listen to them talk about Scott anymore. I make a show of coming into the hall. Trying to make sure they hear me and stop talking about him.

"Good Morning Cee." They say in complete unison. We all chuckled. Phil is standing at the stove cooking eggs and Dan stands in front of the coffee pot.

"That's not creepy at all" I laugh "good morning to you as well." Shaking my head a little to move some hair into my face.

"How did you sleep little one?" Phil asks me. My heart melts when he calls me that and I feel my cheeks go red.

"Good." I whisper. I look down at the floor. Dan steps over to me and puts his fingers under my chin pulling my face gently up. From this close it strikes me just how tall he is.

"Speak up okay?" He says smiling down at me "We want to hear what you have to say. You have powerful words inside you. I can tell"

"Okay..." I mutter. My eyes flutter down , but I look back up at him to see a smirk and a raised eyebrow.  He lets go of my face and turns back to the coffee. I take a deep breath.

"I slept very well Phil. How about both of you?" I say in a clear and calm voice. Then I freeze. How the heck did I do that? I don't think I've every been that smooth and clear in my life.

Both boys turn to me. Phil looks slightly surprised but Dan looks ecstatic. "We slept very well Cee. Thank you for speaking up." Dan says with a huge smile on his face.

I grin back at them.

***

After breakfast we all just sit at the table not really sure what to do next. I need to break the tension before it consumes us all and we spiral into a black hole no amount of small talk will ever drag us out of.

"So..." I drag the word out searching my brain for the next word. What an awful start. I mentally face palm. "I'm sure you guys have something you needed to do today. Don't let me stop you from getting your work done." Yikes. I'm to awkward for life.

"Well..." Phil started. At least he is being awkward to. "We were planing on filming a new gaming video today, but.."

"Oh shit! My things!"  I stand quickly. Immediately worried about them kicking me out so they can film and go back to their peaceful lives. "I can move them! It's no problem at all! Really. I don't want you to not be able to work because of me. You have been so kind already and I can't really ask for anymore! So I can get out of your hair. Really it's no problem." I start moving to the door.

"Wait! Cee!" Phil stands also and grabs my hand "No! We don't want you to leave!" I freeze. His hand on mine feel like fire. Dan stands to and moves in between me and the door.

"We really want you to stay Cee." Dan looks at me. He steps closer and I take one step back. I bump into Phil and startle. I move forward a bit trying to give him room, but Dan moved close and now I bumped into him. I feel heat from them both pressing into me, one on each side.

"Cee," Phil says very quietly "can we please hug you?"

"Yes." I whisper back with out thinking.

Phil wraps his arms around me pulling me into his chest and Dan comes to my other side putting his arms around us both. I feel their warmth and strong arms. I smell soft cologne and coffee. Wrapped in their arms it's like I'm in an igloo. Like I'm in a place far away from the rest of the world. Where no one can hurt me. Where I'm loved. Where I'm  safe.

***
To my own horror, I start to cry.

They both let go, and cold air floods around me. Making me cry even harder.

"Cee!" Phil says. Sounding very worried but trying to stay calm. "We're so sorry baby! We didn't mean to go to fast. We're so sorry!"

I want them to hold me again, but I can't talk. I'm crying to hard. Loud choking sobs that I can't get to stop. I'm crying so hard I can't even stand up anymore and I fall to the floor. Dan and Phil kneel down. Through my blurry vision I can see them looking at each other very worried. I can't talk, but maybe I can gesture. In a move so familiar to my little body and mind even though I've never made it before, I reach out to them with open hands, and then open and close my fingers repeatedly.

Grabby hands seems to be a move they understand, because I'm back in their arms. In their laps. Their smell envelops me again and I feel hands rubbing my back, my arms, my hair. I'm rocked back and forth slowly and cooed at. A bottle is pressed to my lips and I suckle on it finding water. A lullaby starts up and I feel my eyes drift closed. I'm not sleepy, I just woke up after all, but I am very relaxed. As the sobs turn to cry's, and the cry's turn to sniffles, I slowly come back to myself.

Tears still run down my face, but I can talk now. "Thank you. I'm sorry for being such a cry baby. It's just, well, I don't remember the last time anyone hugged me." I look up at the boys.

Dan, who's lap I'm in, pulls me closer. He looks into my eyes and I see tears forming in his. "We will hug you everyday for the rest of our lives. We will hug you every moment for the rest of eternity if you'll let us. Please," his voice cracks and the tears start to fall. "Please," he try's again, but he can't get the words out.

"Please say you'll stay with us and be our baby girl." Phil finishes. I look at him to see tears on his face as well. There's only one way I can answer them.

"Yes. I will stay."