dear existence,

i'm tired

God, please answer my prayers.

I've been feeling down lately and I don't know what to do anymore. Things haven't been going so well and I feel like I might've just relapsed on self harm not too long ago; I've been going through so much and not even the person I love could even help me.

The question's been at the back of my head (I chose to ignore it, however) but I never bothered asking myself such question; how selfish and dramatic of me if I do, right? Asking yourself if you're depressed just makes me a little sensitive crybaby - a melodramatic loser exaggerating the feelings of sadness mixed with trauma and writing all her burdens out the internet all just because she was afraid of actually confiding to someone, not even to God.

Do you even know shit, God?

Do you even know whatever the hell I'm going through, God?

God! Can you hear me?!

And here I am, wishing I should've just jumped. 

Jumping into complete nothingness, feeling my whole body numb and weak as I crash down into a pool of blood from the fifth floor; bidding my last goodbye and that I love them, but I have to leave. I have to leave, I have to leave, I have to leave-

You're nothing but a piece of shit who knew nothing about what I'm going through. I'm trying to convince myself that you understand - that you understood. But what the fuck did I get from you? What the fuck did I get from the person I expect love and moral support from the most? That's right --- Bullshit.

I know deep down you care, I know you do, cause you should. But what the fuck're you saying at times when I needed your love and support the most? That's right --- Bullshit.

You only start to make sense when you escape the almighty peak of teenage angst and self-induced depression.