Dear Eliot

Dear Eliot,

You might not know this, but when the first time your mother and I get the news about you, we are extremely happy. I admit that at that time I thought I was the happiest man alive. For the first time since her father died, I saw your mother smile again. You gave us the hope and faith. Your mother is 'alive' now. She was very happy and kept talking about you. I remember at that time, I was just smiling listening to her talking and talking and talking. It's just hard to stop talking about you.

Only GOD knows how happy we are at that time. Your mom was only three month pregnant when we start preparing your room. Though we don't know whether you are a girl or a boy, we just buy everything. I still remember when we decide to paint your warm and lovely room for the first time. we actually argue with each other on what color suits you best. And yes, we still don't know you are a girl or a boy but yet we are doing it anyway. 

Alas, we paint the room turqoise as you can see now. You might not know but your mother said to me whether it's a girl or a boy, turqoise will definitely suit you. She said that you have bright out our lives and thus the bright color of turqoise will make your life brighter than ever. 

Dear Eliot,

Do you remember your black bear stuffed doll, Kuma? Your mother bought it for you saying that the doll will keep you company when you are asleep. She said the doll looks like me, so whenever you miss me, you can always hug the doll. Yes, your mother already aware that I am always busy working outside and rarely at home.

Do you know, there is a point where we realize that we have bought many unneccessary things. But then, we only laugh about it. Well it is our first time being a parents. We should have focussed more on you not the things.

Dear Eliot,

The day you were born was magical. I still remember those feelings I had when I first hold you. I was scared but happy. You were so small I afraid I might hurt you. But your mother, she support me and calm me down and told me that you will never get hurt in my hands. The first time your mother hold you, she looked just like an angel. I will never forget her words to me, "Dear, we got one hell of a son here." Your mother was always like that right?

When you are two years old, I lost my job. I try to find other job but there are none who except me. I kept trying, your mother kept supporting me saying that she will find a job too. It's heartbreaking to see your mother trying her best to save food. To make sure you got to eat first. We are not important anymore. There was time where I actually reach my limit and i start to gave up my life a little. I got angry at everything. I blame all the people in my life and I never thought I would do this but I screamed at your mother and blame her. How can I be so mean, when it is not even her fault to begin with.

Dear Eliot,

Life isn't always sunshine. At some moments, the clouds will hide the sun making our life darker. But remember, clouds will never stay at the same place forever. If we wait patiently, the sun will appear agin. If the cloud refuse to move away from the sun, that time we just have to find a way to move the cloud.

I know your life now is blessed. You have never actually taste the real challenge in your life. You have big home, nice car, wealthy family, healthy life...but you know things might change. Sometimes they just change even if we aren't prepared. 

Son,

I want you to know, whenever something bad happens to you, never give up! The day you give up is when you have nothing left to protect. You have me and your mother by your side. I really want you to see that the world will be a better place if you keep moving on step forward. I want you to know that happiness is everywhere waiting for you to come and grab it...

I want you to know lots and lots of things about life....

I want to give this letter to you when you grow up and might have a slight detour in your life to make you come back...

I want to tell you to never forget where you came from...

I want to scold you for all the mistakes you have done and waits for your apologies...

I want to do everything, but I can't...

You have left us to meet your creator. You left us way too early, that i don't have a chance to tell you all this. I don't have a chance to gave this letter to you...

and this letter will always be The Letter that I Could Never Sent ~~~