Afterwards: An "After" Fanfiction

Tessa's Diary: Part 1

I never thought that only a few months after meeting Hardin Scott, after being a little more than certain I would never see him again, he would be standing across from me in the parking lot of Red Fern Bistro asking to kiss me. I thought I had completely imagined it, and I had to ask him to repeat himself.

When he did speak, it was only to confirm my suspicions. "We had a good time, didn't we? So let me..." Hardin leaned in then, his emerald eyes fluttering closed as his lips inched closer to mine.

I was in such confusion and shock that I simply stood in silence, watching my labored breathing turn to smoke in the frigid air. His actions were earning him a label somewhere between fuckboy and hopeless romantic, but I couldn't yet decide. The only thought that came to my mind was Noah. How would he feel if he knew I had moved on so quickly?

When we spoke last, our conversation hovered on the border of a reconciliation. We met up for coffee one afternoon after a tough meeting at work. "I think we made a mistake," were his exact words.

At first I had urged Noah to change his perspective, to think about his new life in Washington DC and forget about me.

"It wouldn't matter if I were moving to China, what we had was too special to just forget. You were my first love, Tessa. You still are."

I had been surviving on two hours of sleep following a strict publishing deadline, and in my fragile state, my emotions overcame me. I broke down and cried. It was a result of corporate stressors and the harsh reality of losing Noah to the East Coast. As I sobbed, my ex-boyfriend and best friend leaned across the table to secure me in an awkward embrace.

We stayed like that for a while longer than necessary; Noah hugging my trembling shoulders and me sobbing uncontrollably, until the waitress returned with our checks.

"Do you think we did make a mistake? Breaking up, I mean."

I didn't know how to reply. Well aware of his emotional sensitivity, I merely shrugged.

He seemed to get the point, flashing a sad smile before paying his bill and standing to leave. "Well, whether we did or not, I will always be here for you Tessa. And if someday you too feel like we have a shot, let me know."

Despite the brutal verbal altercations, despite Noah's depression turning him into a shell of a man at no fault of his own, as he stood before me with a smile on his face I can't say I didn't consider giving us another chance. He left before I could give a reply, and once I had the chance to independently weigh my options, I found that breaking up was the single healthiest option for the both of us.

Still, that doesn't mean Noah's face didn't flash into my mind after being faced with a kiss from Hardin.

"I don't think I'm ready for that quite yet," I remember telling Hardin.

Though his face conveyed disappointment, he took my rejection in stride. "See, that's why I asked first. Just in case you weren't ready..." Hardin trailed off, moving to open my car door in a final gesture of chivalry.

I stalled before getting into the driver's seat, taking a minute to reconsider. "Well I didn't mean I'd never be ready, I just—"

Before I could complete my thought, his phone rang. The name "Molly" flashed across the screen as he removed the phone from his pocket, though he did his best to hide it from me. "Gotta go. Get home safe." Hardin rushed off to his own car after that, phone to his ear, and I knew I had made the right decision telling him no. I pulled out of the parking lot then, but not before catching him laughing as he continued the phone call in his car.

I dialed Noah as soon as I got home. Loneliness had crept up on me, and I had no one else to call. When it went to voicemail, I instantly regret the decision, but it was already too late. After settling into bed alone, I began to think that perhaps I should've given Hardin a chance. Even though he answered Molly's call, I couldn't be upset with him for doing virtually the same thing I did. Perhaps it was I who made the mistake.