Malevolence

~11~

Suicide.

That singular word is all Larry can hear. It rings in his ears, drowning out the annoying beeping of the heart monitor next to him and the sobs that are tearing their way from his throat. He can't stop staring at his brother, at his pale skin and still form, even though the blurry sight is tearing him apart from the inside out.

He doesn't understand.

Laurent tried to end his own life. He slit his wrists in some hotel room and let himself drift off, fully intending to never wake up again.

It's not true.....It can't be.

"Lau...?" He whimpers, reaching out to touch his twin. As his fingers come in contact with cold skin, he lets out another sob and clutches onto Laurent's arm weakly. He's still waiting for him to open his eyes and laugh at him for being so scared, still hoping that he'll tell him that this is all some cruel prank, but he knows he won't. He can feel it. It's a horrible, gut wrenching feeling deep in his chest that spreads through his entire body and renders him immobile aside from the tremors that wrack through him every few seconds. It's the feeling of Laurent not being there, and it hurts worse than he ever thought anything could.

Larry digs his fingers into Laurent's arm as he cries, sobs that stutter and catch in his throat as he tries in vain to draw breath past the horrible sounds. Memories begin flooding through his mind, imagines and words that he tries so hard to ignore, but he can't stop them from replaying over and over again as he stares down at his limp brother.

"Fuck you, Laurent. You're just pissed because I found another girl, and you're too much of a bitch to move on from Jessica."

"Don't what, Laurent? Don't remind you how much of a bitch you were when she finally decided she could find someone better than you? How you cried for four days straight because you missed her? I don't know why you ever thought that was going to last. How could it when you were clinging to her like a lovesick puppy all the god damned time? God knows how she put up with you for as long as she did."

"Get the fuck out."

Oh, god.

It's his fault.

The realization hits Larry hard, causes another wave of dizziness to wash over him without warning. He did this. He's the reason Laurent is lying here in a coma with both of his wrists sliced open.

He's going to be sick.

He lurches for the trashcan, barely manages to catch the rim of it with his shaking fingers and pulls it to him just in time for his stomach to begin purging itself of the food and bile that had filled it. He keeps his head down as he retches, gagging over and over again as he tries in vain to rid himself of the disgusting, sickening feeling that's settled in his stomach. As he stays there, hovering over the trashcan with the suspicion that he's going to throw up again, the horrid truth dawns on him once again.

Larry hurt his twin. He'd hurt him more than he thought he was capable of. He'd abused him, he'd betrayed him, he'd broken him. And then he'd kicked him out, left him to heal his own shattered soul and spent the night fucking Destiny instead.

He hates himself for it. He'd felt every bit of Laurent's pain, he knew he was hurting worse than he ever had before.

And he'd done the one thing he never thought he would do- he'd abandoned his brother.

"I'm sorry-" He cries, still clawing desperately at Laurent's arm. "I'm so sorry, I- I-" He's hyperventilating again, unable to force oxygen into his lungs through his broken pleading, but he doesn't stop. He can't- he's hysterical now, and he needs his brother to open his eyes. "Please.... please wake up, Laurent..."