I'm A Mess // Z.M. (Short Story)

O1.

Oh, I'm a mess right now inside out, searching for a sweet surrender but this is not the end.

I can't work it out, how?Going through the motions, going through us.

And, oh, I've known it for the longest time and all my hopes, all my words are all over written on the signs when you're on my road, walking me home.

He can't stop thinking about everything that had happened and how he turned into such a mess. To be more exact, how he turned messier than ever. He could blame her for this. She was sort of the cause. But no, he couldn't blame her. He had to blame himself and all the feelings he had for her. Feelings he couldn't control and he couldn't comprehend and manage to show her. He just couldn't show her how much he loved her and that drove him insane. He wasn't good enough for her, not even close. He wanted to, but he couldn't be.

Because he was Zayn.

Because he was the guy that couldn't control his instincts, the guy that always messes up without thinking. He didn't know how to think about these things because he never needed to. He never cared about someone so much that would make him think before doing. He was always alone, and he got used to it.

Damn, he was so used it.

She knows about all these issues. She loved him. She truly loved him too. But she never expected him to change for her. Actually, she didn't want him to change for her. She wanted him to change for himself, for him to actually care about thinking before doing. But not because she wanted him for herself, but because she wanted him to stop always trying and then messing up, soon coming crying his eyes out to her. Stop getting hurt.

And that's why she was still there. She would wrap her arms around him, feeling his alcoholic breath hit her neck as the boy would sob. His tears would wet her skin, but she wouldn't mind. And he would fall asleep there, as she would lay him on the bed properly, take his jeans and his t-shirt off, and cover him with the sheets. And she would place a kiss on the top of his head, and sit by his side, watching him sleep until she would fall sleep too.