I'm A Mess // Z.M. (Short Story)

O4.

For how long, long I love my lover

(And I feel loved)

Now, now, for how long, long I love my lover

(I feel it all over now, now and I feel loved)

As soon as he stepped out, the pain came. Why would he keep doing it if it hurts? Why would he keep doing it if he wanted only one person? She would never trust him. She would never believe he wanted to fall in love for her the right way. He already was in love with her. But in a wrong way, or else he wouldn’t do this to her.

Claire opened the door, but as it was morning, she didn’t expect him to come crying at her. This time there was no alcoholic breaths. This time there was pure regret and pain. And love. This time she could really see the flames on his eyes as he kept repeating the word ‘sorry’ over and over again. He never apologized. He always only cried.

And in that moment he needed to show her he loved her. Despite all the lies. Despite all the mess. Despite all the pain he caused her. He loved her and she was the only good path he knew. She was the good in him.

He loved her all this time. Her and only her. All these people he loved for a brief moment it was pure illusion. And he said he was sorry again. She said it was ok. He said it wasn’t; because it really wasn’t. How come it was fine if she was in pain? He was used to the pain. He lived with it everyday because he did it to himself. But Zayn couldn’t take the fact that the caused it to her too.

So he held her face between his hands and their lips met in the way they always did. Claire opened her mouth, letting their tongues touch. The way he touched her was so different from the way he touched the others. It wasn’t robotic or with lust.

It was caring. He cared about her.

It was passionate. They were pure passion.

It had desire. He desired every single part of her.

It had love. Because he loved her with all his heart and soul.

And she believed him. She always knew that. But she also knew he needed to prove it to her. He wanted to show her she could trust him now. That he was there for her.

But Claire knew Zayn would need her by his side all the time so he wouldn’t let it all fall through his fingers. She knew that with him, it wasn’t absence of love.

When his fingers tucked on the hem of her shirt and took it off, his fingertips brushed every inch of her exposed skin. So lightly, almost imperceptible. And it set her skin on fire.

And then there were kisses on every inch of exposed skin of each other. Touches. There was love. At that exact moment, they were love. Passion. Desire. Lust. Fire.

They were one.

Not in a physical way.

They were one soul.

And he let out the three words that he kept with him for, oh, so long. And he told her.

Zayn told how much he loved Claire.

And she smiled. She knew it. And she said it back.

Claire told how much she loved Zayn.

And all that mess he made on both of their lives made sense. At that moment Zayn understood that he wasn’t the mess himself. They were a mess. And they loved it.