Efímeros

Simula

Decisions

I have everything. Luxurious things, plenty of money, just one tap and anything I need will pop up, even the most expensive item I can afford, but there's always missing.

People always says that I'm too lucky to have this wealth and one of the luckiest and richest person alive. But there's only one thing they aren't aware of. The real story behind this image of me. And only two things I can't have my whole existence,  Love and Importance from my parents.

Nandito ako ngayon, nakahiga habang nakatitig sa mga bituing nagkikislapan sa kalangitan. They never failed to amaze me. I smiled bitterly. I raised my right hand trying to reach the galaxy. Sa mga oras na ito gusto ko nalang magpatangay sa hangin at lumutang sa kalawakan, sa walang hanggan. Ayoko na dito, nakakasawa naman sa mundo, puro kalungkutan at maikling kaligayahan. Ang unfair.

Gumulong ako pabalik sa kama ko na parang bata na naglalaro mag isa sa kadiliman. Nang nakaramdam ako ng antok, hindi na ako umakyat pa sa kama at nagpasyang sa sahig nalang matulog.

Naalimpungatan ako sa mahapding sampal ng araw sa aking mukha, nakalimutan ko palang isarado ang balcony kagabi. Agad akong bumangon at ginawa ang morning routine ko ng kumatok yung katulong namin sa pintuan ko.

"Breakfast is ready. Hurry, Gin, and take these daily medicines." I opened the door and grabbed the tray of food and medicines. Padabog ko narin itong sinarado.

Huminga ako ng malalim at dumiretso sa bathroom ko. Walang emosyon kong binuhos ang mga gamot sa inodoro at agad itong finlush.

I actually never took any one of these medicine. It's final, that my end is near. No need to take these it wont even extend my life. It's just giving me a hard time swallowing and atleast lessen the pain of my heart failures but not completely removing the pain. That's bullshit. Tanggap ko na ang kapalaran ko at matagal ko narin itong hinihintay.

Lumabas ako ng banyo at nagulat ako sa nakatayo ngayon sa harapan ko. Mom.

"I knew it. You did it again. Come on, Son. What do you think you're doing? That's for your own good. How could y--" hindi na niya pinatapos ang sermon niya ng nilampasan ko nalang siya at nagsimulang kumain ng pagkaing dala kanina ng katulong namin.

As always. Wala na akong pake sa mga paulit ulit nilang sermon sa aking, stop acting like you even care about my existence. Ngayon lang naman kayo naging  ganito dahil nagkasakit ako kung saan kasalanan niyo rin. They gave me this illness, yet they're the one who's going to waste they're effort hoping to cure this.

Hinintay ko nalang siyang lumabas at nagpatuloy ulit sa pagkain. Pagkatapos ko ay naligo ako at nagbihis, plano ko ngayong araw ay magbabasketball ako. I wore my sports outfit at bumaba na ng kwarto.

"Don't play too much, that's dangerous for your heart Gin. Don't get too sweaty." at marami pang paalala na sinabi sakin ni Yaya Leah. Tipid na tango lamang sinagot ko at lumabas. Nagdidribble ako sa sidewalk, ang tahimik ng paligid at napakaganda ng panahon. Habang naglalakad ako ay may nakasalubong akong dalaga na sumasakay ng bisekleta, nakangiti ito ng nasa malayo palang ngunit agad din itong nabawi nung nagtagpo ang ing mga mata. Umiwas ako ng paningin at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad hanggang malampasan na namin ang isa't isa.

Gusto ko lang ienjoy ang pansamantalang pananalagi ko sa mundong ito. Nang makarating na ako sa court ay mag-isa lamang akong naglaro sa half court, occupied na ang sa kabilang bahagi. Minsan din nila akong iniimbitahan na makilaro sa kanila but I always refuse. I hate contact with outside people. I prefer being alone and enjoying my company.

Nagtagal ako ng halos tatlong oras at ng nakaramdam ako ng pagod ay nagpasya na akong umuwi. Nagutom narin ako sa pagod. Pagkarating ko, gaya ng inaasahan, nakahanda na ang mga pamalit ko at kung ano ano pa, I hate this. Naging over protective na sila sa akin. I hate being treated like a child just because of this damn disease. As if my life was a big loss. Dumiretso na lang ako sa kwarto ko at naligo. Pagkababa ko ay kumain ng pananghalian.This is my daily life. Nothing special. Every. fucking. day.

Pagkababa ko ay nagulat ako ngayon sa nakita kong nakaupo ngayon sa dinnertable. Woah. That's rare to see them here, having lunch with me. After years.
They actually just flew here in the Philippines after hearing what happened to me. They seemed to be worried, that their only son alive, is dying. I'm actually the 3rd child. I have two elder sisters, but they're already gone. The first one died during her delivery while the other died in a car accident when I was four years old.
How I wish that I have been given a chance to be with her in a longer time and know the feeling of having an elder sister who's going to take care of you.

I sat silently at the dinnertable in front of my Mom and Dad. Walang akong imik habang kumakain. We're not actually that close. 15 years of ignorance from them. Minsan ko nalang sila makikita sa loob ng isang taon. I think they're going to discuss about me this time. I remained silent waiting for their first move to start the conversation.

My Dad cleared his throat and looked at Mom then me straight in the eyes. Tss. That moves is old.

"Gin, we're going to take you to New York with us. You'll be having your medications there." I smiled bitterly.

"Ayoko. Hihintayin ko nalang yung anim na buwan kong kamatayan. Tutal di naman madudugtungan ng gamot buhay ko." then I continued eating.

"Uhmm.. by the way, my decision is final. I won't argue with you." dagdag ko pa.

Napapikit nalang si Mom at tumingin ulit ito kay Dad.

"If you insist. Well okay then." narinig kong sagot ni Dad.

Nanlambot  ako at naninikip ang dibdib ko sa narinig. Di ko alam kung maiiyak ba ako dahil wala na talaga silang pake sakin, o matutuwa ba ako dahil sang ayon sila sa desisyon ko. I paused for a moment. I faked a smiled to them again.

At this moment. Alam ko ng hindi na nila hiniling na maging anak nila ako. And yeah, no choice but to accept it. It doesn't hurt that bad, hindi na bago. But knowing the fact that they didn't even do anything to me, to prove to me that they love me as their son, no. They did nothing. I'm done with this. If only I could pay in cash just to buy an enormous happiness in this life.

In order to make my remaining days happier and worth it. I have come up with a plan. At this point, I have to forget all the foughts and debts, just set aside all those problems and stress. And most importantly, forget the fact that I'm "Ephemeral". We are Ephemeral.

______________

unedited ;)

TrinityEcclestias