Secret Note

I like him so I made a note for him but he doesn't know it.

It was just a usual day of glancing and admiring. A careful approach not to give attention. It was enough for me. It was enough even if his smile wasn't mine to have. 

Winter. His name is Winter Jamieson. I've been caught by him for so long I don't really remember when and how exactly it started. It could've been that time during first day of high school where he was running so hard his face became so flushed it made him seem almost like a tomato and I thought he was so adorable. Maybe it was that time at History class were he kept trying to wake himself up but fails miserably where I thought he was admirable. Winter Jamieson is just one of those kids in the class you'd never really notice. He keeps to himself and only stays close to his friend, Uriah Seaton. It's something that wouldn't really spark attention to just anyone but unfortunately for me, it's the reason why my sight is full of him.

I've observed him so much, I knew his smiles were only meant for him. The way Winter's eyes follow him is exactly the way my eyes follow Winter.

It's heartbreaking.

It's heartbreaking to know that the one your heart desires is not for you to have. 

It was enough for me to see him. It was enough to see him smile. I always wish him his happiness even if it hurts. It was enough.

Until it wasn't.

Uriah got a girlfriend. The light on Winter's eyes became dim. I hated it. I wanted to pull him close to me and tell him I'm here but I don't know how. To him I am probably no one. Not someone, just no one. After all, for him it's always just been Uriah.

It became unbearable. 

Sometimes you just have to let go. It became so unbearable, I want nothing but to shout my heart for him to hear but I can't do that. I like him so, so much, I decided to write a note for him.

I like you.

I like you.

I like you.

I repeat it until it's enough, until I feel like it's enough at least for this moment. 

"I know you like him." 

No. Who are you to say that?

"You should tell him that. Not write it. A secret note can't do anything."

It's not much of a secret anymore, is it? "You know he likes you." 

He hums, sits beside me so casually. "I do."

"You're leading him up."

He smiles sadly, as if it can't be any more true. "I like him too."

Of course you do. "Why?" Why not tell him? Why make him long for you? Why play with his heart?

He shrugs. "I'm not the one for him. Winter's like for me is not the same like I feel for him. He admires me. I've been there for him for so long he thinks he likes me but really, he just admires me." He smiles but it's a sad smile. 

He's just like me longing; though close, the feeling's way far to reach. "Why are you telling me this?"

He shrugs again. "A simple note holds a thousand thought."

Of course his girlfriend just have to find out about my secret note as well. I'm not as discreet as I thought I am. I should just tear it off and throw it away but it will seem like I'm also throwing off my feelings as well.