Meaningless || Cho Seungyoun

final

Till our next lives

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The pain of the piercing needle onto the skin of his back was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. His stomach churned every second for each time his heart dropped. He could not stop thinking about it, thinking about her.

Seungyoun had hit jackpot just a few days ago from being chosen to be in the final debut line up as x1. The accomplished feeling overwhelmed him when he hugged the friends he had made for the past three months. After he had made sure the camera panned away from him, he cried a bucket.

He looked in the crowd and spotted Gohee. Tears were streaming down her face as she cried so hard in joy for Seungyoun had finally achieved his dreams. She was happy for him, over the moon.

Seungyoun suddenly had thoughts of he could maintain the relationship, now that he is going to be one of the most talked celebrity in town. There was no way that their relationship is going to work out well. While he had worries like these, Gohee didn't share the same thoughts.

For she didn't plan on continuing...
her life.

He remembered how he quietly sneaked Gohee backstage and to the most quiet corner to take a selfie to celebrate the triumph of his success. Seungyoun also remembered how Yohan suddenly appeared, scaring them to death before he offered to take a picture of them, in which Seungyoun placed a loving kiss on Gohee's forehead, his arms naturally wrapping around her as Gohee closed her eyes.

His tattooist handed him his phone that showed the picture of his fresh back tattoo. Seungyoun bit his lips as he looked at the aesthetic mirror that surrounded the knife tattoo on his back. The mirror of his life had disappeared, there was no one to show him the reflection of himself now. He had to be his own reflection.

His eyes threatened to spill the tears but he held it in.

"Are you not going to tell me the meaning of this tattoo? You always told me the meaning of your tattoos." his tattooist for 3 years nudged him as Seungyoun sat up. He shook his head quietly as he reached for his wallet to pay. The meaning of his mirror tattoo will always be sacred to him, and no one will never know about it.

Seungyoun returned to his studio to pack some of his stuff that he was going to bring to the dorm. He knew Jimin and Nathan would come by often, so he didn't need to worry about it being dirty after a long time. He looked at the wall and he saw the newly framed picture of him and Gohee. It was only one week ago.

He stared at Gohee's long eyelashes as she had closed her eyes in the picture when he kissed her forehead. Seungyoun took it down from the wall and his tears started dripping on the glass of the frame.

"I miss you so much Go Myunghee." Seungyoun couldn't help but let out a cry as he gripped onto the frame tightly. He quickly left his studio and headed to the rooftop unit, wanting to see her belongings or anything that is related to her. The heart-wrenching feeling was too much for him to handle.

When he entered the unit, the walls were empty and that made his breath hitch. Seungyoun clearly remembered that Gohee started to put up pictures on the wall in which he told her that everything on his wall was a reason for him to live. He thought Gohee was finding reasons to live too.

Seungyoun opened her bedside drawer and saw frames of pictures in there.

"She took it down?" his voice was no more than squeak.

He saw her early teenage picture in her taekwondo uniform right next to a goofy Yohan. Her face was different then, but Seungyoun knew it was her. Followed up was a picture of her butterfly tattoo on her wrist and the last picture was of her in a practice room dancing.

Below the frames there was a picture unframed, and it was none other than the picture they took together with Seungyoun in his produce outfit after being announced to be in x1. He turned to the back of the picture and saw a thumbdrive taped to the back, with words that said "For my love."

Seungyoun sped down the stairs like there was no tomorrow before plugging the thumbdrive into his computer. There was only one video in the thumbdrive and Seungyoun knew without even having to see it that the video would relay her last message to him.

She appeared in the video, as beautiful as ever. Seungyoun recognized her outfit immediately. It was the exact outfit she wore on the day of produce x 101's last episode. For a short moment, he was flabbergasted at the thought that she was thinking of leaving him on his happiest day.

"Cho Seungyoun." her voice subconsciously brought the tears back. "Oh god." Seungyoun groaned as he harshly wiped the tears away with his palms.

"I'm sorry I did this to you. Please tell Yohan i'm sorry too. Both of you are the only ones in my life and i'm so so sorry." Gohee looked like she was about to burst into tears anytime soon, but she held it in and kept talking.

"You have showed me the colors of my life for the past few months and I am so grateful for that. I was so happy to have you as my reflection and my motivation. Cho Seungyoun, you should be honored, because you're my first love and my last one." Gohee attempted to joke a little in the video and Seungyoun immediately stood up from his chair and looked at the ceiling.

"Why would you say that..." he whispered to himself as his tears clouded his vision.

"Honestly I don't know how you didn't have a girlfriend when I first met you because everything you did for me screamed boyfriend material and you literally made my heart flutter a few days after I met you. You are crazy." This time, Gohee was genuinely smiling in the video as she reminisced their moments.

Just as how he made Gohee's heart flutter, she made his heart beat again.

"Thank you for jumping on me that day. That gave me the opportunity to know a sweet angel like you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me." she paused before looking down to her feet.

"But don't think of this incident in a sad way. Just think of it in a game aspect, I am a character that reached a dead end, not being able to pass a certain stage, so the easiest thing to do is to reset and start from scratch. My journey ended, so that I can start a new one."

"I hope you will always shine your brightest like how you did throughout Produce. Don't think too much because you're never alone. I will always be with you in your heart." what Gohee said hit Seungyoun deep. They had similar problems and they found strength within each other. But Seungyoun had to be strong without her, so that he could make her proud.

"Have I said it? That I love you so much? And hey, don't cry too much! I'm watching okay!" and with that she lets out a genuine laugh which Seungyoun had missed so much.

"Goodbye, Cho Seungyoun. Lets meet in our next life."

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[ a/n: tissues anyone? Thanks for reading! ]