Tell the eyes when its tears fall down, Allah is greater than my grief and my sadness. Tell the heart when its agony grows heavy, the Lord of this heart will take care of me with his infinite grace and kindness.
•••••
How can blankness be so heavy?
Everything for her felt like a blank canvas, no thoughts, no emotions, no needs or desires. It was just a square of floating nightmares through a loud, chaotic world and life.
There are endless moments of intense pain and utter darkness, at this point all she wants is to end it all. The only thing she wants to sleep and never wake up to the nightmare she was living.
She was tired, she was emotionally, mentally and physically drained. There was no ounce of energy left in her.
In her dreams were nightmares that will continue to hunt her as long as she lives and waking up doesn't help her situation either because then she'll have to face the real nightmare that was haunting her in her dreams.
Days had gone by and Inayah was laying on the cold floors in her own piss and vomit, she couldn't find it in her to move an inch. She had cried until she has no tears left and being in this tight, cold and dark place gave her sense of déjà-vu.
It brought back memories that she wanted to bury far behind her. She didn't ask for this, she didn't want this life and at this point she lost all hope, she was already letting go of the light thread she was holding onto.
She was tired of fighting.
Tired of staying strong.
Tired of breathing.
All she wants is sleep and never wake up.
"Ya rab! Please forgive me!" she whispered before slipping into complete darkness.
~
Inayah fluttered her eyes open, she found herself laying in a garden filled with the most beautiful flowers she has ever seen. She wondered where she was and was looking around until she heard giggles from a far.
Following the sound, she walks father into the garden until she came across a beautiful stream that was surrounded with nothing but a beautiful green serene. The place was breathtaking and she was so lost by the beauty of it until she heard the giggles again.
"Ayoub stop you're making me dizzy!" She heard a feminine voice giggle and then turned to look at what was happening only to see a man that was dressed in a casual outfit, swirling around while in his arms was a very beautiful woman who is exactly as petite as she is.
"No! this is what you get for sprinkling cold water on me!" The man chuckles as he kept on swirling them around.
Inayah couldn't help but stare at them, her weak smile matched their wide smiles although she couldn't see their faces which were kind of blurry.
"They're so happy together" she thought as she kept on Watching the two which surprisingly gave her a sense of comfort.
Suddenly the air that surrounded them changed, then it wasn't just the two couple swirling around but everything around them was swirling. Inayah felt goosebumps on her skin and she felt sick in her stomach.
Then it started to wind, it was a heavy wind which in a second formed a tornado and started swallowing everything around them. Inayah tried to find something to hold onto but everything around her felt rush then she heard someone scream.
"Inayah you need to fight! Don't let them win!" Said The feminine voice that was giggling with the man, her soft voice was now hoarse like sandpaper.
Again she saw another tornado forming and there was nothing she could do. Tears ran down her face as she watched the tornados come the way of the two happy couple she saw before her. Their happy faces were now replaced with tears and horror.
"No please watch out!" Inayah yelled and ran towards them hoping she could save them but the more she ran, the farther she was away from them it was like she could never reach them.
"Please stay strong!" Said the feminine voice.
"Please stay strong for us both!" Said the masculine voice before the tornados swallowed them into thin air.
Inayah screamed and yelled but nobody seem to hear her. Her head hurt like hell, she felt her ears ring and it was like her brain was on fire.
Holding onto her ringing ears, Inayah kept on chanting "stay strong!". She kept on repeating that until she fell on the ground and darkness evolved her again.
~
Inayah flutters her eyes, she tried to adjust to the blinding lights and blinked twice before muttering "stay strong!" In her hoarse voice.
The sound of her voice made assia jump from the seat she was sitting on continuously for days, hoping and praying that Inayah would wake up.
"Alhamdulillah! You're awake!" She yell in happiness.
"Water!" Mutters Inayah and assia quickly grabs a glass of water for her as she tried to sit up but her body was too weak to cooperate.
"No! Lay back you need to get some rest. You're took weak to get up." She said and that's when inayah's surround became clear.
She was laying in her bedroom with a drip attached to her hand. Assia helps her raise her head and fed her water to moisturize her dry throat and quench her thirst.
After a few sips she pulls away and lays her head on the pillow before saying "what happened to me?".
Assis looks at her with pity and strokes her dirty hair before saying, "get some rest my child, we'll talk when you wake up!" And left the bedroom leaving inayah alone in her thoughts.
What was that in my dreams?
"Stay strong" was she could remember and she kept on muttering that again and again until she fell asleep.
Again how can blankness be so heavy?
••••
Writing this chapter was so so hard for me, I cried writing this😭💔 I feel tired for inayah. Anyone in her shoes would feel the same way.
What was that in her dreams?
Who are the two people inayah saw?
"Stay strong" they said but what did they truly mean?
