The Lies You Tell

My Father the Abuser

I watched your face the whole time you spoke.

You tried not to smile but you thought it was a joke.

You're caught buddy! They've found out. They'll rescue me now.

But how did the one abused end up the clown.

"Sorry for the inconvenience sir," they say and nod my way.

I'm shook. I thought he'd be handcuffed, and locked up by the end of today.

"Uh, excuse me miss," I say before she goes.

She rolls her eyes and says yes it seems so cold.

"I told the truth. I can't go home with him. Please!"

She smiles a sweet smile and says to me.

"Honey, you're playing with a grown mans life. This isn't a joke."

But I'm already passed this. Tonight I'll be choked.

She's made up her mind and thinks its a prank.

He walks me away touching my back and whispering all his hate

Murderous words, light laughter and country music fills the air.

I ride in the car waiting, anticipating the pain i'll be in.

Perhaps I made a mistake talking to that cop.

Perhaps today would be my demise, it would finally stop.

But, why didn't that chill my bones?

Why was I feeling so free going home?

Maybe because no hit, slap, or kick could take away from what I really wanted.

A death. Something quick, or slow it  didn't matter.

After this many years it'd rather take the latter

We get home and he goes to his little chamber of horrors, and I sit on the couch not caring what's next.

He comes back with a box of his toys, and a bottle of bourbon looking on edge.

Gulping, he says the same lines he's said ever since I was a kid.

"You look just like her you know?"

"I know," I say in a trance like I always did.

She was young and beautiful and she was gone so soon. Too soon.

He starts getting angry and throwing things across the room.

I loved her and you took her from me.  She left because of you.

I just sat there as he continued blaming me for my mother running off with some Hill scum.

"Now," he says, "because you took her away you have to be punished."

No problem I think as he takes another swig.

He's rummaging through his things and I see a pistol I grab it and point it at him.

"Now Josie," he says, "think about what you're doing."

"I am thinking," I say and he starts walking towards me.

"Stay back!" I shout and he backs away.

"You have done everything to me.

You've hurt me in ways I could never
Believe.

"Why should I let you live, when I never did?"

"You've treated me like this since I was seven. I was just a kid."

"She's not dead stop talking about her like that."

"She calls twice a week and sends child support checks."

"You don't answer, you don't cash them."

"She's happy without you and I'm happy she got out."

"Scott's great! He treats her like a queen.$

"But you Gabe are nothing!"

"I could kill you and go to jail for the rest of my life, or I could kill myself and put an end to this fight!"

"Josie!"

That's all it took

I fell to the floor and thought for sure I'd be dead.

I woke up in the hospital months later instead
"What the"... I start I was hooked up to machines, and I felt like I was in a fog.

"Shes awake!" someone yells.

"Oh thank God!" I hear someone say
Dad?