Once, There was A Library in my Closet

Blue Room

My city has long since disappeared in the trees ever since we took that right turn onto the gravel road in the woods. We drive through a tunnel of trees, road and canopy for several minutes, my mother and I. We haven't spoken a word for hours. I feel the hot wet of my hands buried in my dusty grey jacket. One hand fiddles with its fingers. The other pinches the lobe of my ear as it props up my head. I try to make it hurt.

The canopy of thick trees opens and we drive out into a secluded area of wooden buildings and a gravel parking lot marked by thick pieces of wood. My mother veered to the right and chose a spot to park in. I gazed down.

Looking down, I see the lot sloped downward until it reached a set of reddish wooden bleachers, all empty, and a marvelous stage flooded with golden light. I peek farther, seeing several figures surrounded by the bleachers and a few on the stage. They are all in strange, colorful costumes, dancing elegantly in rows to no music but a single piano playing from the corner of the stage.

"I really don't want to do this," I say. My mother cuts the ignition and sighs. She doesn't look at me once.

"I love you," she says, "I only want to help." She opens the door and starts out.

"By sending me to a dance camp?" I, too, get out of the car.

"It could do you some good, hon. You could come out of here with more sense of value. And... obedience." She shrugs weakly. I may have taken my rebellious nature a little far, and it shows on the wrinkles of her skin and the slouch of her back, but was driving me into the middle of nowhere really the solution?

I look at my mother, who still won't look at me. She could have chosen an actual camp, with discipline and survival, or something other than dancing. I am no dancer.

"I'm not going down there," I say when my mother beckons me to follow her down. She finally looks at me, a sting in my chest, but turns away without a word. She locks the car and walks down herself.

If I had known she planned on abandoning me here, I would have stayed in the car. Don't misunderstand -- I feel bad for how I treated her. She looks as though she fizzled out on her last nerve rather than burned, just by looking at the way she walked down the hill. Perhaps some obedience would do me some good.

I jog down the hill and hide in a sort of hallway open to the outside. I see the walls decorated with posters, pinned up to show performances and plays, but they were all from years ago. I shift my attention to my mother, who approaches a woman, quite possibly one of the "club leaders." She was a tall woman wearing a blue dress and black lace gloves connected to it by strips of flowing lace. She has rich dark brown hair half tied in a bun with the rest spitting out onto her neck.

Hiding behind the corner, I can just barely hear the mumble of my mother as she speaks to the woman, catching her attention.

"I'm here to sign my daughter up for the dance club," I hear her say. The woman takes one look at her, though, and her lips curl up into a creepy smile. She bends down and creeps toward my mother, swooping forward and taking her hands. She peers into my mother's tired eyes for several moments. And the dancers keep dancing. And the piano keeps playing.

"You're daughter isn't here," she coos, still gazing pleasantly into my mother's eyes.

"She'll be down here in a minute, I'm--"

"Why don't you join us?"

"Me."

The woman in the blue dress makes a strange squeak and gently pulls my mother toward the hallway I'm hiding in.

"Of course. You made it all the way here; Why don't you stay?" I back away. She's leading my mother right toward me. Why isn't she objecting? She wouldn't fall for joining this dance club charade. 

I round a corner to a different part of the hallway expecting an exit to the open air, but I was cornered into an actual building. I hear my mother and the woman draw near, and then quite suddenly an eerie voice starting to sing.

Don't leave, my dear.
Don't leave, my dear.
Take my hands and shut your eyes,
open your third and cry...

There's a door next to me and I take the chance to sneak inside before the two can see me. I back away from the door, hearing the muffled singing grow closer. 

You can walk or you can twist and fly--
beware the silver edge.
Don't flare your gaze at me, my dear,
give up your rights to the Blue Room.

I hear the doorknob rattle and instantly lurch to the side.  The room is crammed with flowers, costumes and makeup. It was colored with old blue wallpaper, dusty and stained from years of use. It's hard to move around unless I walk in the center of the room, but at least I can hide within the mess. Just in time for the woman to lead my mother inside. They burst in, hand in hand, the woman in full song, my mother seemingly in a trance. 

Drape yourself in silk and scarlet,
but never fill your mind
With any concept or thing desired,
you only belong to the Blue Room.

I hardly pay attention to the words of her song as I try my hardest to shuffle to and from the corners of the room, but I can hear her repeating the words "blue room," quite a lot. Oddly, I feel heavy as I listen to the song. I grow dizzy looking around for hiding places. I am sure the woman has seen me jump from place to place just as she rounds a corner, but she never hesitates or diverts her attention from my mother. Why... Why does she look so different? 

Lift your elbow and point your toe to the sky.
Trust the music, trust this lie.

My mother... She is draped in pink garments and tights. When did she change? Even worse, she doesn't even feel like the same person anymore! She's so still, like a statue! What's wrong with her? I want to call for her!

Stay here in the Blue Room with me and dance, dance.
Dance 'till you die.

My heart is racing. The woman stops singing and lets go of my mother's hands. They drop and rest lifelessly at her sides. The woman looks to me, up and down, then peers into my soul. My heart races. "The Blue Room quite loves you, dear." I look down, seeing myself perfectly fit into a long blue dress, dazzling and terrifying.

I don't want to stay.

I lurch for the door and race out into the hallway. I burst through another door, which immediately blinds me with the light of the sky and the loose footing of a downhill slope. I run. And run. 

I race into the open, sprinting downhill as fast as I can down a rock path. Deeper into the woods and away from my mom's car or the way back from where we came from. I feel light on my feet, lighter than I had ever been. I can't tell if it's from the fear striking me through the bones or because the blue room really has entranced me. Made me a dancer. My mom was taken... I won't be.

I see ahead of me a lake and broken dock. Even luckier, I can see kayaks -- two of them with only one paddle. I look behind me; The woman is still on her hunt for me, but she is farther behind. I reach the kayaks and yank one of them toward the water while I run. I can sense the woman speed up. Frantic and afraid, I hop into the kayak and fiercely paddle into deeper water as fast as I can.

The woman reaches the edge of the lake and I think I have escaped. She can't chase after me without a paddle, and neither can she swim fast enough to catch me. But the woman looks so calm -- so patient. 

I turn to look around at every corner of the lake and feel the sink in my heart. Whatever shore I try to reach, I now know she will be there waiting. I have already lost.

I have trapped myself in this Blue.