25 [HS]

1

SEPTEMBER

Life was never kind to me. I always knew I wouldn't make it past 25. Most people who are told that would live their short time to the fullest. But I am not most people. I envy most people. I watch them from afar and live through them.

When I'd go to the mall with Damian, we'd sit in the food court, not sharing a word. I just wanted to observe how normal people functioned in their tiny lives. Damian was never considerate of my time of admiration. He'd try to make conversation while i stared off at some small family. It was irritating.

Damian was a cool guy though, i know all he wanted to do was keep me company and keep me protected.

When i slept i dreamt of the life i wanted to have. I wanted a little brother, i wanted a small house, i wanted to ride the bus and i wanted to have a crush on someone. But my dad didn't allow any of this.

He works for wall street, but that's not all he does. His hands do get quite dirty, extremely dirty. He has many enemies. Enemies you'd fear.

When i was 5 months old my mother was kidnapped and killed. I obviously never knew her but i knew she was one of the most beautiful girl, from the photos I revisit when i wish she was next to me.

Although my father's life isn't normal he was able to have one of the things i dream of having.

That was a partner. My father met my mother on his vacation to Puerto Rico. He sat at a small restaurant with his business partners when she came to serve them. My dad claims it to be love at first sight. He said it was something about how the sunlight fell on her tan skin. He said he wanted her to be with him forever the second he saw her. So he cancelled all of his plans for the week and came back to the restaurant every night until he convinced her to come on a date.

She had fallen in love within a week and he fell in love within minutes. When he left back to america, he offered to fly her entire family to New York, he even offered to pay their rent in their new home until he can get them a permanent home. My dad was that devoted to make mom and her family happy. So they stayed.

They got married back in puerto rico a year later, he bought papa and mama a home in Long Island and he bought a home for his new wife. The next year my mother got pregnant with me and gave birth to me in the summer of 98'.

Christmas eve that year my mom was kidnapped while heading to her car after last minute shopping. When she didn't make it home my father went insane. After 6 days of a search, her body was found. My dad never wanted to tell me how they found it but when i was 15 i searched the case online, it seems that she put up a fight and was raped before and after her death. I remember vomiting after reading the details.

To this day my father is unsure whether it was an inside job or not, but something about it was too messy to be one. To this day my father carries her necklace around his neck. He also kept all the letters she wrote him back when she was in Puerto Rico.

My father has not seen another women since. I wanted someone to love me like that.

Minus the tragedy.

This is why i've had a 24 hour body guard since i was 1. First it was Leo, when i was 1 to 9. He was fired after he left me home alone to go drink on New Years. Then Damian, i liked him even though he annoyed me. I think he was just lonely. I was lonely too but I didn't want my best friend to be a 46 year old italian man. He ended up being promoted as one of my dads main guys that help with his... work.

My dad had been on the search for a body guard and during his process i've had to stay in the house all week.

I was 21 and i was still being babysat.