Queen Of Mafia ✔️

Feeling like dying

Unknown

I was in mood of dancing today so I decided to go to the nearby dance studio.

I went inside the room. Uhh I know this music. But I saw the girl there dancing. She was crying, but it didn't stop her to continue dancing.

She was moving smoothly, like she's the feather.

She was tired and I could see that. If she wouldn't stop now she would faint.

"U gonna kill yourself that way!" I told her but she didn't move a nerve. Like she didn't hear me.

"U didn't hear me?" I continued.

She turned around. Breathing heavily and roughly said "I'm dancing can't u see? Leave me alone!"

But when she realised how rude she sounded she bowed and said she was having a hard day.

"Hard day at 9am?" I chuckled and slowly went up to her. On my way to her I grabbed a water bottle so she could drink it.

"Thank u" she said softly.

"Welcome. I'm-"

"Ik who u are. As u see I'm dancing to kpop right?" She said like duh-u silly face.

"Still. I'm Kim jongin aka kai and u are?"

"Life is laughin at me why now." She murmured but I still heard it. She must be having really hard time. "I'm Mary Kim."

"Kim?"

"Yes. I love that surname so."

"Why not your real last name?"

"It's hard to pronounce."

"Ahh. I see. Btw. I love the way u dance. How long have u been dancing?"

"Already 5 years. But I learned dancing by myself."

"I see. U still listen to exo?" And I nodded to the audios from where the music was played.

"For motivation, inspiration."

"I'm glad. Do u wanna have a dance battle?"

"Sorry Jonginssi. Let's do that another time. What about tomorrow at 8am or 9am?"

"Deal."

"Bye!!" She shouted and left the studio in hurry.

She's so cute and beautiful.

I can't wait to see her again.

Mary

I got home and Alex was still sleeping on the couch.

"Alex wake up!!! U gonna be late for the university!!"

"Lemme sleep for 5 minutes."

"Stand up now!" I screamed from my room which made him wake up in seconds.

"I'm gonna come late anyways. "

"It's not that I wanna go there today!"

"Then don't go!"

"Then I will die! Thinking why is he acting this way! It breaks me Alex! I need to stop thinking about him!"

He went quiet. I was right I knew. Something was wrong with Cam.

My dumb ass said yes about mafia just because of him. How stupid I was.

I went to university without Alex. He could continue sleeping in my house. I don't give a fuck.

I was feeling whole day lonely.

Ben was nowhere to be seen.

In the middle of the lesson I got sick. My tummy started hurting.

Aaah. I wanted to scream but no one would hear me.

I just went home since I got permission to leave the university just because I was sick.

I was sitting in the corner next to my wardrobe. My room door locked. Windows closed, curtains drawn in. I was practically sitting in the darkness. Worse is that I was liking it.

At first I started thinking, then it went to overthinking.

I started from my dreams of childhood and ended up thinking about him...

Cam. I miss you.

For him, for him I did everything.

I even killed his enemy by myself.

Well partly.

Why is he like that?

I'm not enough?

Do I need to be more sadistic and cold hearted?

In these days I was hiding my true self, my gummy self just to seem monster.

If this is what he wants I'll continue that...

During overthinking I started crying.

It hurts. Not my tummy but my heart. My brain is about to explode.

I am tired...

Should I..?

No. No. Don't think about that.

I'm strong. I promised myself I would never give up on living and I am not coward to break the promise.

I just wanna sleep and never wake up.

For a year or so. It would be good.

I call pizza order and along with pizza I asked for beer... a lot of beer.

I'm going crazy and I feel that.

After getting my pizza (2boxes, when I cry I get hungry) and beer I locked myself in my room again. I ate, cried, drank and so on.

I was already kinda drunk but I didn't want to sleep. I was just there sitting in the corner again, my hands in my hair, legs to my chest, looking like a freak.

I needed him.

I was again crying when I slowly fell asleep.

Knocking, I'm sorry, banging on the door woke me up.

"Mary!!! Answer me!!!" He was shouting. No it can't be him.

I just sat there and started laughing hysterically.

Was I hallucinating already?

That freak made me freak too.

Alongside laughter? I started crying.

They say worst feeling is when u laugh and u feel broken inside that u want to cry or start crying.

They were right.

I felt shattered to million pieces.

I hate him.

I could hear banging and shouting fading and I passed out.

Everything went blank.

What is happening? I feel like dying but I can't breathe. It's like my heart has stopped thrusting violently in my chest. (Am I only one with dirty mind here? Ok bye).

Finally I couldn't feel nor hear anymore.

Sorryyyy. Late I know. But school has startedddd. In a week my additional lessons are starting and I think I will be more, more busy 🥺 I love you guys❤️