Serein

Wet Chin

  The girl couldn’t compare her overflowing tears to anything during the moment. She had ran away again. Her family’s painful throwing of words was imbuing her to be defenseless. She had went home from school by herself very late at night because no one remembered taking her home. Plus, her home was very far away from the city.

  She’d tried to complain. They’ve kept returning ‘their’ mistakes, making them look like it was hers. They always have and always would, even the smallest of problems. They’ve kept telling her that she should fix her mind. But after all this time, she was the only one taking all the pain and throwing away her pride.

  She sat on the swings, face covered with her black tear-wet hair. The night sky was peaceful. Clouds weren’t crying but she was. Only a lamppost’s light was rayed over the grasses and the moon was nowhere to be seen. They said if you smile and soften your face while you’re sad, you’d feel a bit better. But it didn’t seem to work on her.

  Sighing weakly, she closed her eyes and roamed into her own kalon of recesses.

  All of the scene happened in front of me, a memory. Now, alone on top of the stairs of my school, I have my wet chin on top of my knees. My mother truly loved me. But she kept following her husband’s footsteps, saying the same things as him, making her choose his decisions, she didn’t have her own freedom at all. But how could a mother do that to her own daughter? How could her mother not fight for me?

  I indeed have forgotten my childhood, all the people and memories of my past. However, I felt like no one had ever loved me. As I woke up in that hospital, the room had been empty. There hadn’t been any family to greet me, no friend, not even nurses. I didn’t even remember my name, nor the rest of things about myself. I got confused and I realized that my leg was wrapped up in bandages, questions filling my head. Shouldn’t someone be there with me? Or are they dead? But later on, a woman opened the door to claim as my biological mother. It felt so scripted to me. But the way my so-called mother acted was so genuine.

  “Lily.”

  The name my mother called me itched in my mind. I did kind of remember it. It sounded like a typical name for girls who people expected as fair, pure, and fragile as a lily flower. Nah. I scowled, declining the thought.

  “How are you?”

  “I don't look like I'm fine.” I replied.

  Emilia, my mother, smiled so sweetly that it almost seemed strange. But she had been looking sad the moment she walked into the room, but smiled so true and sweet when she faced me. By just doing such small actions, I thoroughly believed the woman in front of me was truly my mother.

  After that moment, she told me not to worry about anything and that she’d be going to take me home.

  In the car, Emilia told me to ask whatever I wanted to ask since it’d be a long ride to our home. After a couple of questions later, I knew that I’ve always been a forgetful person and that I used to be lost in a lot of stores even in small ones when I was little. But she would always find me, crying and still being visibly lost in my swollen sparkling eyes.

  “Where's Dad?” I asked.

  Mother silenced, strangely. Her grip tightened on the steering wheel and her eyes rapidly met mine, causing me to realize that something’s wrong.

  “Um, is something wrong?”

  “No, I'm fine. He’s fine.” Mother paused between the words. She had kept saying the same thing to every nomination about him.

  It was a very curious thing to me. What kind of life do I have? Am I unlucky? 

  I open my eyes and gave a subtle jolt as I saw a hooded person coming my way. I got curious about what that person was doing this late of night. I pretend to look the other way until the person will walk past me.

  My eyes widen to what I saw and I act quickly.

  “Hey! Your pockets are burning!”

  The person stops on his tracks and pulls out his hands swiftly. The fire is out.

  “Are you okay?”

  The person did shook their head subtly after a few moments. But didn’t answer. I don’t know the person, after all. Maybe I acted too concern.

                ~~~~~~~~~~‡×•×‡~~~~~~~~~~
 
  “Collis Luciana Vaughn.”

  Oh, right.

  “If you’ll happen to be in your enemy’s body for the rest of your life, will you choose to be who you are now or who you were?”

  The question seems to draw everyone’s attention.

  “In that case,” I say while looking down, “It’ll be really hard to choose. But I have no choice but to choose to be who I am now. I can’t hold on to the past since it won’t matter anymore. I can’t hate myself forever for being an enemy to myself. I’ll surely understand my decisions as the enemy. Looking at the memories of the different body, looking at myself from my enemy’s perspective will only make me want to remove every negativities from that person who'd be me. Though, I am still who I used to be. And yet I am also my enemy. I am both.”

  “You choose to be your enemy.” Professor Rolando shrugs. “Impressive. Coming from an average-looking girl like you.”

  I hear a murmur as I sat down. “–doesn’t make sense..”

  I chuckle. It was meant to be that way. In fact, I myself didn’t know what I was talking about.
 
  Ding. Dong. The bell rings.

  As creepy as always. Are they that busy? They didn’t even had any time to fix it. Everyone stands up. I’ll just be on my seat for a little while. I need to skip my next class. I hate more recitations. It doesn’t really mean that I’m a genius. I tried to think so but reality will never be that typical way like in books and anime.

  I got a deja vu. Damn, it feels like I have lived this very moment already. It’s interesting.

  “Collis,” a hard-covered book is placed on my desk while I was spacing out, “Thanks for lending me your book.”

  I nod at Jonah, a somehow complicated guy. “No problem.”

  I look at it. It’s still in good shape. It has a little... but it’s alright. I’ve already read it anyway, for like three times. No, that’s not enough. I sigh.

  I used to love sharing the worlds I knew to people who don't. But I felt better when I was the only one. Society is ugly nowadays. Even some of my favorite songs are ruined just because people somehow made them popular. How come I still let them–?
 
  “Oh, I almost forgot. Collis, did you fully understand? That in the end, the aliens who conquered were actually humans themselves?”

  “Of course. Why wouldn't I?”

  “It was kinda tangled. I had to read it over and over.” Joe grins awkwardly. This guy.. out of all people I know, he’s the only one I don’t understand. I mean, he’s always cool and impulsive in front of others but when he’s with me, he’s a totally different person. He’s probably shy or I just don’t really know him.

  “But it was good. I liked it, really.” Or… is it because I’m intimidating? I think I didn’t talk to people enough to make them like me. “I’m going back to my class now. See ya.”

  And I’m going to leave.