Riverside Bench

Flashback

Nothing could break him anymore. Alan's heart was shattered. Scattered. He was still in shock, after the fire. He was suffering PTSD, at least that's what the doctor said. His leg was fractured, but he wasn't worried about his leg. Clara Seeker was in a very critical condition. And he couldn't handle any more deaths. She didn't deserve this. 

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She grappled her head to the pillow. Tears gushing from her eyes. She had done this to her sister. She didn't mean to, she didn't mean for Clara to be there. She didn't mean to get into this mess. This torture. She couldn't even visit Clara, she'd blow her cover. Clara was the only person she loved. Her sister, her best friend. Amelia remembered holding her for the first time, she was like a little doll. Clara always stuck by her side. Even when her dad was beating her up, Clara yelled at him. 

"Amelia. It's time." He stared at the floor. "Kill the rest of the Myers."  

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Alan was on a path. A lost journey. He felt like everything he finds out about the case backfires. The killer gets worse as if they know every next step. Like they are always a step ahead. It meant someone in the station was a possible suspect. 

He pushed open Sam Finald's door. "The killer is always a step ahead. Like they know what we are doing. So, what if someone in the station is a suspect, or working with the killer." Sam Finald widened his eyes, "I'll take it into consideration. Thank you."  Alan walked back to his office. It was a little burnt down. Sam and Alan's offices, and other offices survived the fire. But half the station was burnt to crust. 

The world started to spin. It felt like he was in a state of nothingness. His eyes turned white. He started to breathe very fast, not even knowing that he wasn't breathing. His face turned blue. Alan's heart increasing the beat by second. But he felt no pain just sweat dripping down from his forehead. He wanted to vomit, but he couldn't. He couldn't do anything. Then, he woke up. Sam stood by him. "Alan are you okay?" He couldn't open his mouth. Then everything turned black like he was put in a dark room with no thoughts, no feelings. Only darkness. Then, the memory came back.

He grabbed Mira's hand. "May I have this dance?" She laughed. Alan smiled. She kissed him on the cheek, "Don't forget to drop Calvin off at the daycare tomorrow." He laughed, "You never dance anymore." She blushed, "You know I'm bad at dancing." He sighed, "Your the best at dancing. Come on just dance with me for a minute." She grabbed his hand, "Oh okay, one dance."

The bright lights beaming into his face were the hospital lights. He opened his eyes. His vision was still blurry. Then he felt it coming again. His heartbeat increased, and he started to breathe very fast. Doctors and nurses ran into the room, at the loud beep of the monitor. "Alan. Can you hear me? You are okay. You are having a severe panic attack." She grabbed his hand. He felt her warm touch, but he couldn't understand what was going on. Then, he let out a gasp of air. "Help." He managed to whisper. The nurse sat down next to him. "You have PTSD. It's actually ongoing. We discovered that you've had it since your wife passed away." He raised his eyebrows. "Can you stop it." She grabbed his arm, "I think therapy would be the best option. We are going to tell you how to calm yourself down during a panic attack. If Sam hadn't called us you could've died." He listened closely. The nurse continued. "PTSD is very serious. You have very common symptoms, flashbacks, and panic attacks. I need you to go to therapy at least once a week. Take one yoga class a week." He interrupted, "I saw her in my dreams." "Who'd you see", the nurse asked? "My wife", he said slowly. She spoke again, "You must developed PTSD after your wife passed away, and it says here after your friend died you felt even worse." 

Alan stared at the ceiling and thought to himself, "I want the pain to go away. All of it. I want to bring justice to people and I want justice to myself. I want to be free of guilt, free of emptiness. I just want pure happiness."