Some short stories?

Paragraph 1~

So I believe that I have put this off for way to long, as I have mentioned my planning to do this. So, here is me staying up past my bed time reading wattpad and then writing something 'cause why the heck not. 

By the way the underlined words are the words I had for spelling that week. I had to use them in the paragraph.

Here is the original:

A shout came from the crowd "what is that?!" shouted Lucy Walker. Lucy was asking what the huge portal like thing in the middle of the city was. "It is the result of the collision of two dimensions, or a portal." A wise and powerful witch replied. Through the portal everyone saw a different version of themselves staring back at them, behind these people a large mansion with a tall roof and lots of glass towered above them. It was earth in 2017!

The new and hopefully improved, recent model:

The crowds had previously gathered in the town to celebrate the citizens birthdays. Always speaking of how happy they were to celebrate as a big family. On this day, the small village assembled to gaze at the giant circular shaped building. Chatter could be heard with words like "magical" and "mysterious" now a common theme. Above this racket, a shout could be heard, a shout coming form a little girl, who was too short to be seen over her elder siblings back.

"What is that?" She inquired, gesturing towards the newly found structure.

"A portal." An old and wise voice boomed, leaving the townsfolk in silence "It formed when our dimension collided with another, resulting in some interesting side effects."

Through the portal, the villagers began to see the faint hazy outline of themselves, draped in peculiar clothing. Behind them stood a giant see-through mansion that held no design what-so-ever however, it seemed to be their strange version of the towns hotel. What was on the other side of that portal, was earth in 2017.

tada~~~